Jump to content

Welcome to Emo Forums
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!
Photo

(Short Film) Final Major Project :)


  • Please log in to reply
3 replies to this topic

#1
TheLiverpoolScene

TheLiverpoolScene

    Tortured Rose

  • Full Members
  • PipPip
  • 55 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:liverpool
  • Country
  • Fav Band A Day To Remember
  • Fav Song ADTR - All I want

Hi guys, if you have a spare 5 minutes I would greatly appreciate you giving my final project for college a watch.

 

Just looking for some feedback, constructive or positive.

 

Thanks in advance :D

 


  • 0

#2
Rellik San

Rellik San

    Adorably Bitter And Angry Cabbit!

  • Sub Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 16,625 posts

Ok I have a couple of minor issues so lets start with the bad:

 

I feel the narrator is flat and monotone, I'm aware it's meant to be in pastiche to the old style detective noir films, but especially coupled with his terrible accent it doesn't help, also briefly, whilst I know it's very difficult to set the scene out doors and control the lighting I think an old trick would have worked better for the dream sequence, instead of sepia a blue filter and to have everything shot at a slightly off angle. But this is just my personal preferences coming into effect.... oh and drinking Jack Daniels out of a brandy glass didn't help, but again that was my own hang up.

 

That said on technical merit and visual metaphor (other than my suggestions earlier) I'm very impressed, you captured the old noir style well and I like the idea of the Batman: TAS style of mixing 1920's fashions with modern technology, I would certainly like to spend more time in the world you've built.

 

In reality my criticisms are mostly addressed by your no doubt budget than anything else so feel free to ignore them, and I'd have liked to have seen more play with focus in the cinematography side of things, but again that's something largely reliant on the equipment you have so isn't necessarily something you should listen too.

 

All in all, a damn good short and maybe a brilliant seed for a series of shorts.


  • 0

#3
Okano

Okano

    Nigrescent Black Hole

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 438 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:-
  • Country
  • Fav Band Norah Jones

I could only hear the dialogue and music, wasn't able to watch.

 

The narrator is American? Or is he putting on an accent? If he's putting on accent it sounds like perfect American.

 

Does the narrator have a cold and a stuffy nose? Because that's what it sounds like. Loved the music though. You should hook us up with the music source.


  • 0

#4
TheLiverpoolScene

TheLiverpoolScene

    Tortured Rose

  • Full Members
  • PipPip
  • 55 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:liverpool
  • Country
  • Fav Band A Day To Remember
  • Fav Song ADTR - All I want

Ok I have a couple of minor issues so lets start with the bad:

 

I feel the narrator is flat and monotone, I'm aware it's meant to be in pastiche to the old style detective noir films, but especially coupled with his terrible accent it doesn't help, also briefly, whilst I know it's very difficult to set the scene out doors and control the lighting I think an old trick would have worked better for the dream sequence, instead of sepia a blue filter and to have everything shot at a slightly off angle. But this is just my personal preferences coming into effect.... oh and drinking Jack Daniels out of a brandy glass didn't help, but again that was my own hang up.

 

That said on technical merit and visual metaphor (other than my suggestions earlier) I'm very impressed, you captured the old noir style well and I like the idea of the Batman: TAS style of mixing 1920's fashions with modern technology, I would certainly like to spend more time in the world you've built.

 

In reality my criticisms are mostly addressed by your no doubt budget than anything else so feel free to ignore them, and I'd have liked to have seen more play with focus in the cinematography side of things, but again that's something largely reliant on the equipment you have so isn't necessarily something you should listen too.

 

All in all, a damn good short and maybe a brilliant seed for a series of shorts.

Thanks for the feedback, I did toy around with a blue filter but felt it made it just look like I hadnt correctly white balanced. If you didnt like the voiceover then you would of hated the guy who I had do it first time round. Yes the brandy glass is something I hate everytime I watch it, but due to budget (lack there of) it was the nicest looking glass I could get ahold of, rather then have him drinking it out of a pint glass.

 

Thank you very much for the comment about the visual style, as it was my aim at the beginning of my project to create a visually strong short in a neo-noir style.

 

Would never ignore criticism as it is the only way get better so again thank you. I will take your suggestions on board and carry them forward.

 

I could only hear the dialogue and music, wasn't able to watch.

 

The narrator is American? Or is he putting on an accent? If he's putting on accent it sounds like perfect American.

 

Does the narrator have a cold and a stuffy nose? Because that's what it sounds like. Loved the music though. You should hook us up with the music source.

 

No he is from Liverpool, England (as am I) the accent is put on, I will pass that on to him thanks :)

 

Yes he was very fluey that day, partly why I chose him to re-do the voiceover for me. Thanks.


  • 0




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users