it's my first try..er..so it's ok to curse the living daylights out of me..
just couldn't sleep last night and i found a pen under my bed and i just started writing on my music sheets..
i don't even have a title..
well, here goes..
i can't remember
it's been so long
when did we begin this war?
cause today it wages on.
i don't even want to know
where or why or how
because it's killing me
i just want it to end now
it'll just keep on going
unless one of us gives in
and so i must surrender
there's no way to win
it has come down to this
it all ends tonight
i can't go a step further
i'm giving up this fight
if you'd want to stay
please turn off the lights
so all you'll see is my blood
gleaming in the moonlight
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My First Poem..
Started by
anonymous.
, May 05 2008 11:55 PM
#1
Posted 05 May 2008 - 11:55 PM
#2
Posted 07 May 2008 - 01:21 PM
1) Great imagery, esp. with the "blood gleaming in the moonlight."
2) Great metaphors with war.
3) Loved it.
4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem???
2) Great metaphors with war.
3) Loved it.
4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem???
#3
Posted 07 May 2008 - 01:48 PM
I liked it sure that was your first one? I think you were being modest...
#4
Posted 07 May 2008 - 02:46 PM
i thought it sounded pretty cool
#5
Posted 08 May 2008 - 03:09 PM
good job...!
#6
Posted 08 May 2008 - 07:59 PM
QUOTE (KYLE CRISIS @ May 8 2008, 05:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1) Great imagery, esp. with the "blood gleaming in the moonlight."
2) Great metaphors with war.
3) Loved it.
4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem???
2) Great metaphors with war.
3) Loved it.
4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem???
uhmm..cause everything i do..not jusr poetry does..haha...it always sucks..i always do..lol
#7
Posted 09 May 2008 - 12:13 PM
wow thats actually pretty good. you dont suck, just so you know. i would NEVER post my first, that one really sucked!
#8
Posted 12 May 2008 - 10:17 AM
thats ur first poem?
its awesome!
u dnt suk @ all
its awesome!
u dnt suk @ all
#9
Posted 13 May 2008 - 12:40 AM
QUOTE (doubleblack^^ @ May 6 2008, 12:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
it's my first try..er..so it's ok to curse the living daylights out of me..
just couldn't sleep last night and i found a pen under my bed and i just started writing on my music sheets..
i don't even have a title..
well, here goes..
i can't remember
it's been so long
when did we begin this war?
cause today it wages on.
i don't even want to know
where or why or how
because it's killing me
i just want it to end now
it'll just keep on going
unless one of us gives in
and so i must surrender
there's no way to win
it has come down to this
it all ends tonight
i can't go a step further
i'm giving up this fight
if you'd want to stay
please turn off the lights
so all you'll see is my blood
gleaming in the moonlight
just couldn't sleep last night and i found a pen under my bed and i just started writing on my music sheets..
i don't even have a title..
well, here goes..
i can't remember
it's been so long
when did we begin this war?
cause today it wages on.
i don't even want to know
where or why or how
because it's killing me
i just want it to end now
it'll just keep on going
unless one of us gives in
and so i must surrender
there's no way to win
it has come down to this
it all ends tonight
i can't go a step further
i'm giving up this fight
if you'd want to stay
please turn off the lights
so all you'll see is my blood
gleaming in the moonlight
omg! thats not shit thats well emo!
hav u got any more?
#10
Posted 13 May 2008 - 01:03 AM
thank you all so much.
for being nice.
thanks again..
for being nice.
thanks again..
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