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My First Poem..


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9 replies to this topic

#1
anonymous.

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it's my first try..er..so it's ok to curse the living daylights out of me..
just couldn't sleep last night and i found a pen under my bed and i just started writing on my music sheets..
i don't even have a title..
well, here goes..

i can't remember
it's been so long
when did we begin this war?
cause today it wages on.

i don't even want to know
where or why or how
because it's killing me
i just want it to end now

it'll just keep on going
unless one of us gives in
and so i must surrender
there's no way to win

it has come down to this
it all ends tonight
i can't go a step further
i'm giving up this fight

if you'd want to stay
please turn off the lights
so all you'll see is my blood
gleaming in the moonlight
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#2
KYLE CRISIS

KYLE CRISIS

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1) Great imagery, esp. with the "blood gleaming in the moonlight."

2) Great metaphors with war.

3) Loved it.

4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem??? wink.gif
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#3
hEaRt ShUttER

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I liked it sure that was your first one? I think you were being modest... wink.gif
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#4
irresistant pain

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i thought it sounded pretty cool smile.gif
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#5
ForbiddenLove

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good job...!
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#6
anonymous.

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QUOTE (KYLE CRISIS @ May 8 2008, 05:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
1) Great imagery, esp. with the "blood gleaming in the moonlight."

2) Great metaphors with war.

3) Loved it.

4) How can it suck "as always" if it's your first poem??? wink.gif

uhmm..cause everything i do..not jusr poetry does..haha...it always sucks..i always do..lol
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#7
aBirdNamedLex

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wow thats actually pretty good. you dont suck, just so you know. i would NEVER post my first, that one really sucked!
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#8
emo-depression

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thats ur first poem?
its awesome!
u dnt suk @ all

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#9
the angel in the dark

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QUOTE (doubleblack^^ @ May 6 2008, 12:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
it's my first try..er..so it's ok to curse the living daylights out of me..
just couldn't sleep last night and i found a pen under my bed and i just started writing on my music sheets..
i don't even have a title..
well, here goes..

i can't remember
it's been so long
when did we begin this war?
cause today it wages on.

i don't even want to know
where or why or how
because it's killing me
i just want it to end now

it'll just keep on going
unless one of us gives in
and so i must surrender
there's no way to win

it has come down to this
it all ends tonight
i can't go a step further
i'm giving up this fight

if you'd want to stay
please turn off the lights
so all you'll see is my blood
gleaming in the moonlight


omg! thats not shit thats well emo!
hav u got any more?

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#10
anonymous.

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thank you all so much.
for being nice.
thanks again..
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