3 replies to this topic

[kiss~yourself~goodbye]

Another poem about life and everything it throws at you. Again, it was rushed, so Im sorry that its bad.

(Verse 1)

We began
To rise an end
To pretend that this never happened
So follow me
And you?ll see
The truth that?s been blinded will set you free
The lies we?ve been told
Are growing souls old
And the truth that your telling makes hearts go cold
A false accusation
With deep desperation
A sense of anger in self aggravation

(Chorus)

I don?t know
What you?ve done
I cant believe
What has begun
What to do
Its all new
Holding onto things
That never were true

(Verse 2)

We are falling back
into old habits
Its hard to hold on when you just cant grasp it
The end of the line
Marks my end in time
With you my hearts on its final rhyme.
A shattered pulse
An end result
My heart begins to revulse
I cant remember
I?ll hold on forever
Even if no is your only answer.

(Chorus)

I don?t know
What you?ve done
I cant believe
What has begun
What to do
Its all new
Holding onto things
That never were true

(Verse 3)

The Barrel of the gun
Brings out the fun
With you my hearts always on the run.
A million questions asked
Remnants of the past
With you my heart always seemed to beat too fast
Another tragic death
You leave me out of breath
You pushed me into this eternal rest
A pain that seems so strong
When everything is wrong
I love you but this is how ends


(Chorus)

I don?t know
What you?ve done
I cant believe
What has begun
What to do
Its all new
Holding onto things
That never were true

(Ending)

I don?t know
(I don?t know)
How to feel
When nothings real
I don?t know
(I don?t know)
How to feel
When your lifes surreal.

<Let final note ring out>

[XnewtX]

that's well good well done
loved to ryhmeing in it and the chrous add more affect

[Azrael.]

Brillient!!
One of the best poems/songs I've read.
I love the meaning and chorus, the rhyme skeeme is really good too and efective.
Sorry I sound pearky; no sleep=zzzzzzzzzzzzzz lol
But seriously this is really good! keep it up!!

XX

[kiss~yourself~goodbye]

Thanks, Im glad you both liked it, and thanks alot for replying. Its great to get some feedback, especially when the person you wrote it for doesnt say anything about it. Anyways, thanks.