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Comming Out

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#1
XxONxTHExEDGExX

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If you are afraid to tell people your g,l,b,t, then just ask some questions. The best way to feel the best with yourself, is to tell people. If your friends are really your friends, they won't care. Just ask questions though, don't be afraid.
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#2
e the e

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There's much more to coming out than just that.
It can go much deeper than that, and I don't believe that everyone should nor that it is better for some people
It depends on the situation really.
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#3
Objet_Trouve

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This is the handout I used to give people who wanted to come out. It's put out by an organization called HRC, Human Rights Campaign.

It's kind of huge, just adjust the percent thing at the top. 125% is much better.

http://www.hrc.org/d...rceguide_co.pdf
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#4
Angely

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My mother is like "There is nothing wrong with gay people, but ew... isn't it strange?". And this helps me a lot -.-
Oh and I think she thinks "Gay people are okay, but not my child!". If she knew I'm bisexual that would mean to her that I'm a lesbian. I do know my mother, she would think that there will be no grandchildren and no husband -.- "Bisexual" wouldn't mean anything to her, she would say "My daughter is gay", end of story.

And my father thinks being gay is a fashion (which truly is, but it doesn't mean EVERYONE is faking), end of story...

I'm lucky none of them is homophobe and they don't hate gay people. But yeah, I'm their only child and I wish things would have been better.

So, coming out, not soon.
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#5
Resonance.

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My pastoral manager told me that it'd be a good idea to get out of the closet to my mum.

I think she may be right, although I know that it will cause problems, and it's taking a big risk to do so. Don't have anything left to lose though.. meh.
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#6
XxONxTHExEDGExX

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What is your mum like? I know my Niaya would freak out before she told me, but that's because she is really shy, but if your mum and you are really close, then go for it. If your pastorial manager thinks it's best, then it probably is. Just think if you were your daughter how would you react?
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#7
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^
I honestly don't know anymore.
Asked a few people, and they agree with pastoral person. I'm unsure myself, but it seems like a suitable time.
My letter's nearly finished, so when I've done it I'll either leave it lying around or take the bull by the horns and give it to her.
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#8
xemoxgeekx22

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Here how to come out to your parents in 4 simple steps.

Step 1. Have a very big drink of you favorite drink
Step 2. Go to where both of parents are
Step 3. Just come out and say "Mum, Dad I'm gay/lesbian/bi/transsexual" and wait for questions or reaction
Step 4. Walk out (if you need to get away)
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#9
Living Nightmare of You

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QUOTE (Objet_Trouve @ May 1 2009, 07:36 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is the handout I used to give people who wanted to come out. It's put out by an organization called HRC, Human Rights Campaign.

It's kind of huge, just adjust the percent thing at the top. 125% is much better.

http://www.hrc.org/d...rceguide_co.pdf


That was a good read and help altho i don't think i will be coming out very soon lol smile.gif thanks anyway

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#10
Objet_Trouve

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I think a lot of you have touched on something very smart and very responsible.

A lot of you have expressed very calmly that now may not be the best time. Some of you said that you won't come out any time soon. I think this is very mature.

Your sexuality is something only you can know, and in your early years, can be something that surprises you. I was pretty confident when I was 19 that I was lesbian, because I was engaged to a woman. But when my fiance left me, it left me to re-evaluate myself. I realized at that time I might be bi, and sure enough, I liked men enough to date them. I dated both men and women for a few years, and now I'm engaged to a man. I'm bisexual. My sexuality surprised me, because I thought I was one, but I turned out to be another.

Figuring ourselves out is what the teenage years are for. Sometimes we think we have everything figured out, and then we learn something new. There is nothing wrong with this, it's quite healthy. So holding off on coming out, even to non-homophobic parents, can be a very good idea, just because you're still learning about GLBT issues, and who you are. If you're in a dangerous situation, it's in your best interests to wait. There is nothing wrong with waiting.

I was right to tell my parents, just because I was moving in with my lover. They would have figured it out and it's often better for parents to learn from you in a quiet sit-down manner than because of something you do. But if you're a girl, and you think you're bi but you're with a guy, you don't need to tell them until it might affect them. For many people, it's just a smarter way to live.

Being patient does NOT mean you are a coward. It means you're not (or they're not) ready. Coming out can really help you, but staying calm and making sure everything is right and you know all of the possible factors is more important. I'm very proud of you guys for not rushing the situation.
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#11
Angely

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QUOTE (Objet_Trouve @ May 2 2009, 10:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think a lot of you have touched on something very smart and very responsible.

A lot of you have expressed very calmly that now may not be the best time. Some of you said that you won't come out any time soon. I think this is very mature.

Your sexuality is something only you can know, and in your early years, can be something that surprises you. I was pretty confident when I was 19 that I was lesbian, because I was engaged to a woman. But when my fiance left me, it left me to re-evaluate myself. I realized at that time I might be bi, and sure enough, I liked men enough to date them. I dated both men and women for a few years, and now I'm engaged to a man. I'm bisexual. My sexuality surprised me, because I thought I was one, but I turned out to be another.

Figuring ourselves out is what the teenage years are for. Sometimes we think we have everything figured out, and then we learn something new. There is nothing wrong with this, it's quite healthy. So holding off on coming out, even to non-homophobic parents, can be a very good idea, just because you're still learning about GLBT issues, and who you are. If you're in a dangerous situation, it's in your best interests to wait. There is nothing wrong with waiting.

I was right to tell my parents, just because I was moving in with my lover. They would have figured it out and it's often better for parents to learn from you in a quiet sit-down manner than because of something you do. But if you're a girl, and you think you're bi but you're with a guy, you don't need to tell them until it might affect them. For many people, it's just a smarter way to live.

Being patient does NOT mean you are a coward. It means you're not (or they're not) ready. Coming out can really help you, but staying calm and making sure everything is right and you know all of the possible factors is more important. I'm very proud of you guys for not rushing the situation.


I just don't want to worry my mother. Her life hasn't been quite easy and I guess she needs some peace.
I do know she loves me more than anything and she will support me, but it's not the right time yet. If I start to date a girl, I will tell her.
As you said, I guess waiting is the best option right now. I'm so young, I have all my life to tell her.
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#12
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I don't see the point in sharing it until you're actually dating someone...
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#13
Objet_Trouve

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QUOTE (Erin the Exuberant @ May 3 2009, 11:25 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't see the point in sharing it until you're actually dating someone...



I can see telling someone so they don't get freaked out if you always go to gay bars or something, or if they always talk shit about gay people and you want them to know that they are talking about you, or various things like that, and I can totally see coming out if you KNOW the person will be completely supportive in every way (my kids should never be actually afraid to talk to me or Scott about it, as most of our friends are GLBT and I'm bisexual). but you have to really think it through and timing is still everything. But you have to be pretty damned sure of yourself if you do it. It's usually best to wait until you're in a relationship.
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#14
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QUOTE (Objet_Trouve @ May 3 2009, 11:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can see telling someone so they don't get freaked out if you always go to gay bars or something, or if they always talk shit about gay people and you want them to know that they are talking about you, or various things like that, and I can totally see coming out if you KNOW the person will be completely supportive in every way (my kids should never be actually afraid to talk to me or Scott about it, as most of our friends are GLBT and I'm bisexual). but you have to really think it through and timing is still everything. But you have to be pretty damned sure of yourself if you do it. It's usually best to wait until you're in a relationship.


That's a good point.
Also, if parents/ guardians always say things like 'So, Jim, got a girlfriend yet?' [when Jim is gay]- it can be quite irritating.

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#15
CupidIsStupid17

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I'm not planning to tell my parents any time soon. I'll probably never tell them until I get married. Ha ha. The only person that knows is my best friend. She first was freaked out because she's really religious, but of course she still treats me the same. I'm scared if I come out, my friends will not want to be around me and my parents will make me go to church again!
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#16
Angely

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QUOTE (CupidIsStupid17 @ May 9 2009, 04:15 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm not planning to tell my parents any time soon. I'll probably never tell them until I get married. Ha ha. The only person that knows is my best friend. She first was freaked out because she's really religious, but of course she still treats me the same. I'm scared if I come out, my friends will not want to be around me and my parents will make me go to church again!


Well, yeah, there are many what if's.
But we all know that our parents do love us and want the best for us, but sometimes they think they know what's the best for us... and they don't. That's why when you come out you have to explain them what you really want and that you're happy that way. And if they really love and care for you, they will accept you. If you're religious, then tell them that there is no rason for them to go away from you cause you're still the same. But happier.
Maybe they will react as your best friend. First, they freak out (normal) and second, they plan on thinking about it, third, they say they're okay with it cause first of all you're their daughter.
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#17
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QUOTE (Angely @ May 9 2009, 05:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well, yeah, there are many what if's.
But we all know that our parents do love us and want the best for us, but sometimes they think they know what's the best for us... and they don't. That's why when you come out you have to explain them what you really want and that you're happy that way. And if they really love and care for you, they will accept you. If you're religious, then tell them that there is no rason for them to go away from you cause you're still the same. But happier.
Maybe they will react as your best friend. First, they freak out (normal) and second, they plan on thinking about it, third, they say they're okay with it cause first of all you're their daughter.


I'm still terrified of them finding out. I'm scared they'll just think of me as more of a freak. My mom calls me a freak because I don't wear make-up like other girls or wear all the latest clothes on magazines.My dad really is just scared of being embarrassed.They'll probably go to the extremes or something. Like kick me out and say I have to be straight to live in their house. I'm planning to tell them someday, but just not anytime soon. I'm actually planning to tell my friends because I've known all of them since I was like eight years old and they are very close to me.
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#18
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IMO, telling a friend is a really good thing, and apparently can help when telling your parents.
Ive had quite a few friends tell me they were bi/gay, and they said telling me made it easier to tell their parents.

I dunno if its true for everyone else though, these are just my experiences
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#19
Angely

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QUOTE (CupidIsStupid17 @ May 9 2009, 10:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm still terrified of them finding out. I'm scared they'll just think of me as more of a freak. My mom calls me a freak because I don't wear make-up like other girls or wear all the latest clothes on magazines.My dad really is just scared of being embarrassed.They'll probably go to the extremes or something. Like kick me out and say I have to be straight to live in their house. I'm planning to tell them someday, but just not anytime soon. I'm actually planning to tell my friends because I've known all of them since I was like eight years old and they are very close to me.


I know how it is to feel different and our parents want more from us... But it's how you are. You can't change that, well, you can but you won't be happy. So don't worry about it and do not stop to be who you are.
I don't know your parents and I can't imagine how they would react. But it's good that you're planning on telling them, cause there are some people who say "no, I won't tell them ever!". It's a good step towards what you want.
Be careful, you can tell your friends that you're gay but you don't know if someone else will know about it. I'm not saying that you friends don't keep secrets. I'm just saying that, imagine one of them doesnt react how you thought he/she would. Anything can go wrong and then maybe your parents can find out. You must be careful when you plan to tell them.
I wish you good luck :]
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#20
shadowboi

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Everyones comming out situation is different. Some people never do come out. But telling a friend first seems to always make it easier. Not only telling a friend but talking about it afterwards worked for me. I never had the parent problem but a good friend did. Parents can be difficult. His were. Then again I suppose some parents can be understanding and supportive. Like I said, everyones situation is different. Only you know whats best for you.

But please be aware that comming out can lead to riddicule or even worse.
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