Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!

Innocence
#1
Posted 12 September 2009 - 10:42 PM

Lips barely touching the other
Fingers sliding up your thighs
Tongues licking the other
Hands slipping under the shirt
Nipples in my fingers
Nothing under the skirt
The sweet taste lingers
She pulls on me
Taking me in her lips
Completely setting me free
My hands pulling her hips
My tongue sliding inside
Fingers finding their home
Swelling with pride
Her tongue beginning to roam
Sliding into her
Hands squeezing her tight
Both beginning to purr
Rocking and pounding into the night
Sensation giving way to pleasure
Blood boiling, racing through the heart
Heated moments we will always treasure
Can't tear ourselves apart
Hands held above her head
Thighs to hips
Rocking the bed
Love on our lips
Lust deep in our eyes
Bodies becoming tight
Moisture on our thighs
We might go all night
Thrusting and pounding
Biting and kissing
Heart beats loud, resounding
Twin souls with no love missing
#2
Posted 13 September 2009 - 06:31 AM


The only thing I'd point out is that you used "eyes" and "thighs" and "tight" and "night" twice in there.
But otherwise, I love

#3
Posted 13 September 2009 - 05:56 PM


The only thing I'd point out is that you used "eyes" and "thighs" and "tight" and "night" twice in there.
But otherwise, I love

Ty lass, and I'm very aware of my repetitiveness of words. I was attempting at obtaining an imagery of passion and doing that I was required to use less vulgar words and use actual words to describe the body parts.
However your comment was appreciated.
#4
Posted 14 September 2009 - 03:43 PM

It was quite easy to read relatively quickly, which (for me) reflected the urge for them to be one.
I cannot at the moment think of any improvements to be made, apologies, but I enjoyed it a lot.
Edit: I'm nit picking now, and I don't know if I even have a point in saying this:
"Tongues licking the other"
after you said "the other" in the second line, perhaps you could change the repeated "the other"? "Each other", maybe? I am not sure.
Thank you for your comments, however I am not truly sure I understood the second statement you made about it being easy and quick to read, and your urge.
My apologies for my ignorance, work today was very tiring.
It's fine, I enjoy nit picks it shows that you are not only committed to aiding me but also it shows that you truly did attempt to read and understand the poem beyond the lines. I could only thank you for doing so.
I will admit I sacrificed a bit of flow using "other" for the sake of rhyming, but with the right rhythm it almost sounds like a tiny limerick of sorts. However I will be sure to edit that before I use it for anything public.
Thank you for your comment.
#5
Posted 16 September 2009 - 09:15 AM

Good work and you have guts my friend.
#6
Posted 14 May 2010 - 09:05 PM

#7
Posted 09 August 2010 - 11:20 AM

#8
Posted 10 December 2010 - 03:37 PM

#9
Posted 22 February 2011 - 07:42 PM

Haha nice piece. (:
#10
Posted 22 February 2011 - 09:07 PM

I love it!

#11
Posted 31 July 2011 - 07:58 PM

#12
Posted 06 October 2011 - 05:42 AM

*should not oils... Vulgar f***ing spell check
#13
Posted 15 October 2011 - 04:28 PM

<!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Looking into your eyes
Lips barely touching the other
Fingers sliding up your thighs
Tongues licking the other
Hands slipping under the shirt
Nipples in my fingers
Nothing under the skirt
The sweet taste lingers
She pulls on me
Taking me in her lips
Completely setting me free
My hands pulling her hips
My tongue sliding inside
Fingers finding their home
Swelling with pride
Her tongue beginning to roam
Sliding into her
Hands squeezing her tight
Both beginning to purr
Rocking and pounding into the night
Sensation giving way to pleasure
Blood boiling, racing through the heart
Heated moments we will always treasure
Can't tear ourselves apart
Hands held above her head
Thighs to hips
Rocking the bed
Love on our lips
Lust deep in our eyes
Bodies becoming tight
Moisture on our thighs
We might go all night
Thrusting and pounding
Biting and kissing
Heart beats loud, resounding
Twin souls with no love missing <!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
#14
Posted 16 October 2011 - 03:11 AM

#15
Posted 14 November 2011 - 09:02 AM




#16
Posted 05 December 2011 - 05:27 PM

#17
Posted 12 December 2011 - 09:02 PM

<!--sizeo:1--><span style="font-size:8pt;line-height:100%"><!--/sizeo-->Looking into your eyes
Lips barely touching the other
Fingers sliding up your thighs
Tongues licking the other
Hands slipping under the shirt
Nipples in my fingers
Nothing under the skirt
The sweet taste lingers
She pulls on me
Taking me in her lips
Completely setting me free
My hands pulling her hips
My tongue sliding inside
Fingers finding their home
Swelling with pride
Her tongue beginning to roam
Sliding into her
Hands squeezing her tight
Both beginning to purr
Rocking and pounding into the night
Sensation giving way to pleasure
Blood boiling, racing through the heart
Heated moments we will always treasure
Can't tear ourselves apart
Hands held above her head
Thighs to hips
Rocking the bed
Love on our lips
Lust deep in our eyes
Bodies becoming tight
Moisture on our thighs
We might go all night
Thrusting and pounding
Biting and kissing
Heart beats loud, resounding
Twin souls with no love missing <!--sizec--></span><!--/sizec-->
This poem spoke to me like the Mullah at the mosque. I then swiftly blew myself up after reading this total shit. In the name of Allahu, please die.
#18
Posted 13 December 2011 - 07:43 PM

This poem spoke to me like the Mullah at the mosque. I then swiftly blew myself up after reading this total shit. In the name of Allahu, please die.
thats just not needed.. at all! u didnt need to be so blunt and i didnt even right it
#19
Posted 16 January 2012 - 10:41 PM

#20
Posted 05 March 2012 - 08:17 PM

0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users