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Emo Corner, A Prophecy

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#1
Algernon

Algernon

    Immer nach Hause

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Before I started writing, I gave myself a framework to work with: ten stanzas of ten lines each. That would limit me to something short. I also started with the notion of writing this sad excuse for a poem in iambic pentameter, but I settled on just pentameter in the actual execution. I wrote it and felt more disgusted with myself with each passing line; this disgust kept me from re-reading what I had written and from correcting any mistakes. Anyway, I hope it's somewhat decent. Despite the rising bile in my throat, it was a strange, sadistic kind of fun writing this.

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Muse of the Internet, inspire me.
Fortify my mind against the horrors
That disturb my judgment and my sadness.
Give me the strength to go on with my post.
Let me tell the tale of these few brave men
And women who would sacrifice themselves,
Who, in the face of their own dignity,
Would demean themselves for Internet fame.
Except for Kane, who has no dignity.
This is a story for Emo Corner.

Jessica, Mistress of Ceremonies,
Crested the hill, beyond which lay Hangout,
That miasma, that modern Gomorrah.
‘Hear me, Sisters!’ she cried with silver voice
‘We will rain destruction upon that filth!
Our swift spears will stab out the hearts of those
Lechers who Private Messaged us for nudes!
No longer shall ‘Tits or GTFO!’
Be heard, nor will it be tolerated.
Sisters, let us scourge and cleanse The Hangout!’

The sun rose as the Sisters surged downhill,
Eyes bent on vengeance, hands bent on murder.
Jessica the Vile clutched her thorny whip,
Behind her, there were Toni and OD,
Objet Trouve, Amy, Beth and Erin, too.
The inclusion of Erin was quite queer
(Pardon the pun) as she was as lusty
For girl-stomachs as the Hangout sleazebags.
But, I am just your humble narrator;
Who am I to ruin a good story?

Toni killed first, spilling Black Sergeant’s guts.
PHONE kept yelling ‘Tits!’ and was beheaded.
Sepulchre was sodomised with a rake.
POEFAN was reciting a rueful poem;
Speared in the mouth, his blood flew in fine whirls.
Jamal claimed racism and expired.
Erin angrily cut open stomachs.
Magic Mushroom yelled insults from afar.
Hangout panicked with pants around their feet.
Streets ran red with the blood of the horny.

The defenders rallied around Rellik
At the foot of his ivory tower.
Fearful was Rellik’s wrath as he thundered:
‘Losers! You fucking dicks are pathetic!
You’re all a bunch of dicks, did you know that?
I have never seen such a sorry bunch
Of dicks in my whole life! You fucking dicks!’
(Rellik San was a person of few words)
‘Show that you are men! Grab them by the tits!’
He then added to encourage them, ‘Dicks.’

Their hearts set aflame by Rellik’s wise words,
The Hangout womanisers marched to war.
Some wielded swords and others strong axes.
The hands of some were fused to their own cocks;
They had sworn that they would never let go.
Thus strode the most deplorable army
That the world had ever seen to their doom.
Rellik, No Quarter, Staton and Kane led.
Although, in all honesty, Kane just lurked.
He would only kick someone when he’s down.

Battle was soon joined. Blood was in all eyes.
The female frontline was enforced by Trolls.
Not those meme-posting idiots, but
Hideous creatures using fake pictures.
Rellik San and Staton leapt into them:
Swords in hands, singing a Manowar song.
Erin, snarling like a ravenous wolf,
Slaughtered dozens more in her blind bloodrage.
It was perversion, carnage and wretched.
Indeed, reader: it was Emo Corner.

Most of the newbies were felled on both sides.
Jessica scowled on a pile of corpses
At No Quarter and Kane, who were mooning.
Toni licked the blood from her blades, thrilling
Parasite, who promptly had his throat cut.
Battle was about to be continued,
When a light descended from the heavens.
A fiery airborne litter landed twixt
The warring sides and out stepped a woman.
It was Sentient, in all her glory.

She raised her hand and spoke thus: ‘You dumb fools!
You women need the admiration of
These miserable men as much as they
Need to believe that they have a good chance
To see your breasts. Is that not right, Erin,
Who thinks not unlike men in that regard?
Men, as sad and bigoted as you are,
You will die virgins if you continue.
Women, understand that men are obsessed
With seeing the elusive female tit.
Now, everyone slither back to your caves!’

There was no room for protest in her voice.
Thus the ultimate battle was thwarted.
But how long will awkward peace last? For men
Will be men, and women will be women.
Soon Jessica the Vile and her sisters
Will be unable to take it anymore.
Then the streets will be awash in man’s blood.
Thus I, the great bard Algernon, relate
To you this story of Emo Corner.
I feel dirty now and will kill myself.

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#2
Azrael.

Azrael.

    Wake me up when the world is sane.

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laugh.gif
I can't stop laughing now.
/claps.
Wasn't as bad as you were saying it was, t'was alright/good.
tongue.gif

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#3
The Shining

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That. Was. Awesome!
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#4
pinkeye

pinkeye

    *poops on u*

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Very good. Through out this whole thing... I pictured a 300 battle scene, but with their heads attatched. XD
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#5
Infinity

Infinity

    We are all broken lights

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I think I'm in love.
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#6
POEFAN

POEFAN

    The Next Edgar A. Poe

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Excellent poem; I am honored to be mentioned in it.
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