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[poem] Untitled..sorreh!

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5 replies to this topic

#1
keannnie

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this poem is about a girl who has finally gotten over a guy and chosen to push him out of her life...comment as you wish. harsh comments w/e idc. critisism is good! smile.gif

There is a girl here
Who once had a choice
Between the life she always wanted
And the life she lives

She was coming to a decision
She didn’t want to make
The choice that meant
Being free from him,
Or finally letting go

She used to want to keep
Him in her life forever
No matter how many times
He broke and shattered her heart

But she finally came to
Her senses and said
Enough was enough
To him

After telling him how she felt
Something happened to her.
A weight was lifted off of her chest
And shoulders
She was finally laughing and smiling
With a new spark in her eyes

This was the start
Of a new beginning for her
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#2
Fist.Wrapped.In.Blood

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Hey hun, this is really good. Keep it up!
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#3
keannnie

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QUOTE (Fist.Wrapped.In.Blood @ Mar 17 2010, 12:47 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hey hun, this is really good. Keep it up!


why thank youu smile.gif)
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#4
PeppermintxKiss

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wow..so nice and rather true..that sort of does happen to alot of people..nice poem smile.gif
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#5
keannnie

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QUOTE (x.o.x~Ninja~Baby~x.o.x @ Mar 17 2010, 07:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
wow..so nice and rather true..that sort of does happen to alot of people..nice poem smile.gif


thank ya smile.gif
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#6
SuperRon21

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Only a few complaints. Lines 2,5, and 6 don't match with the rest of the stanzas. If it was a pattern, there wouldn't be a problem. You want to try to keep your stanzas in the same rhythm. The third one with the last line is a little off. You need to spice things up a little bit. Having said those things, I really did enjoy the poem. I liked it. Hope you don't think I'm being harsh, cause I think you have some great abilities here.

Edit: After I just got done typing everything, I realized you joined on my b-day. Awesome.
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