450 replies to this topic

[finality]

First, you'll have to be completely honest with yourself, and figure out the reasons you're hurting yourself. This can really be the hardest part.
Think about it. It could be


<b>Feeling ignored or wanting people to notice how hurt you are?
To fit in, or to feel 'cool' or different?
To block out thoughts you just don't want to think, or mental or emotional pain, or to deal with stress?
To give you a sense of control over your feelings, or to stop feeling numb?
To 'compete' with other self-harmers, whether online or in real life?</b>


But hurting yourself really isn't a constructive way of dealing with anything. Cutting can release endorphins, which can make you feel happier, calmer maybe, but can also be addictive, which is why it can sometimes be very hard to stop.

<b>General Tips</b>

Tell someone who lives with you that you are self-harming, and explain why. Make sure that they understand that you want to stop, and that it's not their fault. You may feel so paranoid that they'll find you cutting that you'll stop altogether.
However, if you feel that you have the willpower to stop cutting by yourself, and especially if your parents absolutely would not understand (e.g. If they have expressed hatred for self-harmers (although that's taking it to an extreme)), it may not be the best idea to tell them. Instead, turn to a teacher or another adult you trust, if you need help.

By self-harming, you're not just hurting yourself, but all the people who care about you too, when (and not if) they find out. They <i>will</i> find out eventually.

Cutting becomes addictive because of the endorphins it releases. If you feel you're addicted, it's best to seek help.
Exercise does release endorphins too, though, so it may be a way to help deal with the addiction. Like all addictions, though, it requires willpower to quit. But you CAN quit. Don't just <i>try</i> to quit, just quit. "I'm trying" can be a cop-out for yourself and for others, and when it comes down to it, trying just might not be good enough, when it's something affecting your life so much. Throw away whatever you're using to cut yourself, and <i>just don't cut</i>. It might be hard, but you CAN do it.

Crying is absolutely not a sign of weakness, nor is cutting itself. Crying can be really therapeutic, and it is definitely a healthy way of dealing with things. There's nothing wrong with crying from time to time, and you'll feel better afterwards. Don't feel like you have to replace crying with cutting, or anything else. It really is ok to cry.




<b>Feeling ignored or wanting people to notice how hurt you are</b>

If you're feeling ignored, or you're upset or angry and you feel like nobody notices or cares, and cutting is something that, deep down, you think might make people notice how you're feeling, that's absolutely understandable. It's not that you decide one day "I'm going to cut myself to get some attention", and it's definitely not something to be ashamed of.

It's incredibly hard to admit to yourself, "I'm cutting because, deep down, I wish people would notice and see how hurt I am inside". It's even harder to admit this to other people, which is why it can seem like nobody else feels like this, because most people will say something like "I cut because it helps me cope with the emotional pain I'm feeling", or "To me, it symbolises replacing my emotional pain with physical pain", or "This will heal along with an emotional wound, and the scar will be a reminder of the pain I felt".

It's not that these aren't legitimate reasons, but more often than not, they're excuses, because people feel like, wanting people to notice how hurt they are, isn't a genuine reason for cutting. The truth is, no reason for cutting is more genuine than another. Cutting, regardless of your reasons for doing it, isn't a sign of weakness. It's not something to be ashamed of.

It is, however, a mistake. We all make mistakes when we're young, and we're all just at different stages of being young. We'll make mistakes for our entire lives, and we just have to keep on learning from them.

You don't have to make a big deal of it, you don't have to tell anyone, but for your own sake, stop cutting. Take a step back and realise that you don't have to follow any trends, you don't have to be accepted or liked by everyone, and you can change your mind about anything, even something you might have felt strongly about, and nobody will think any less of you.

You can decide that you've ruined your life, and give up, or you can tell yourself "sure, I've made mistakes, but those mistakes don't sum me up as a person, I'm so much more than those mistakes, and I can inspire myself and other people, if I just try."

You need to realise that what you're doing is really, really destructive. You're not dealing with your problems, and there are far better ways to get people to notice how you're feeling. Try talking to someone you can trust, sometimes getting things off your chest can help more than you'd imagine. Maybe start writing poetry, or just writing in general, or start a diary or journal. Having your feelings down on paper can help you figure out how to work through them. Take up a hobby, anything to take your mind off things.

This might be something to think about. It's not a person's fault if they don't notice or understand how you're feeling. Everyone has problems of their own, and they might be struggling with as much as you are, just coping differently. Sometimes you have to learn to cope on your own, it can be really hard but it's something that will stand to you your entire life. Feeling alone is one of the most difficult things to cope with in life, and struggling with it is again, by no means anything to be ashamed of. But cutting, or harming yourself in any other way, isn't going to result in anything positive, and the sooner you realise that, the sooner you can turn your life around. Imagine two paths in front of you, you can go down either, it's nobody's choice but yours, you're in control of your life here, but you may not realise the huge way that cutting can affect your life. It's not just a couple of scars, if you can't find positive ways of coping with problems now, what will happen in the future when the way you deal with things can change everything?






<b>To fit in / Feel different</b>

If you want to fit in (with the emo trend?) or feel cool or different, there are far better ways of doing it.
If you are doing it to feel cool, it can be difficult to accept that that is the reason you're self-harming. At least consider the possibility, and try to be honest with yourself. Don't get defensive, if you have been cutting for this reason, isn't it better to admit it to yourself? You don't have to tell anyone else, and there's no need to be ashamed. You've made a mistake, but there isn't any use in feeling angry with yourself.

The best thing to do, in this case, is to simply take control. Put it down to experience (a bad experience, granted) and put it behind you. There is, I repeat, absolutely no need to be ashamed of yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.
The need to feel cool or different or special to such an extent can be related to poor self-esteem. Be proud of who <i>you</i> are. You are your own unique person, and you don't need to follow trends, or in this case harm yourself, to stand out or be special. Have respect for yourself, and so will everyone else. Just realise that you are special and worthy of other people's respect. Pick a good role model, think about what you respect about that person, and aspire to have those traits or abilities yourself.






<b>To block out emotional pain, or thoughts, or to deal with stress</b>

In this case, you might benefit from professional counselling.

If you're finding it hard to cope with life in general, or specifically with emotions/thoughts, you need to figure out exactly what the problem is.
Sometimes people who have been abused in the past blame themselves for what happened, and use self-harm as some sort of punishment. If this is the case, you need to realise that what happened was NOT your fault, regardless of whatever anybody tells you. You did NOT deserve it. Anybody who tells you otherwise is in need of a good serving of reality.
You don't have to let the actions of someone else ruin your life- all you can do is put it behind you and move on with your life. Easier said than done, but you have to try.

If people try to insult you, or put you down in any way, theyo not matter. When people throw around insults and abuse, really, they're just showing the kind of people <i>they</i> are- it doesn't say anything about the people they try to insult. The opinions of abusive people just don't matter. There's no need to give them even a second thought.

If you're cutting to block something out, just remember that there are better ways of dealing with things. Cutting doesn't solve the underlying problem- you're going to have to deal with it sooner or later. When you feel like cutting, or hurting yourself in any other way, try to relax. Find another way of letting out your feelings, and once you're thinking clearly, think about how you can solve the problem. Sometimes something smell can seem absolutely horrific until you think it through. Try to talk to someone you trust about it, someone who has isn't personally involved in it if possible. They'll be able to give you another perspective on it and might bring up something you hadn't considered. Even writing down a problem can make it seem like, well, less of a problem. Feel free to ask for help with anything here, if you feel comfortable with that. Nobody here has to know who you are or who you're talking about. There are plenty of really helpful people on our help and advice forum who are really glad to help however they can.

Exercise also releases endorphins, and it's also a great way of dealing with stress and anger. So it's one alternative to self-harm. You could also try punching a pillow or a punching bag, ripping up paper or something similar, screaming, or dancing fast, if you're feeling very angry, and yoga is a great way of dealing with stress.




<b>For A Sense Of Control Or To Stop Feeling Numb</b>

If you're feeling numb or apathetic and just want to feel <i>anything</i>, cutting isn't the way to go. It's a really dangerous way of dealing with this.
One safe way to feel something is to put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it, but not so hard that it bruises. Or you could hold ice cubes in your hand and try to crush them or take a cold shower. Or chew something with a very strong flavour, e.g. chilli peppers- this can be a good one, as it's likely to make you laugh, and it's been proven that laughing makes you happier.

If you feel you need something you can control in your life, instead try taking control <i>of</i> your life. How you can do this differs on a case-by-case basis, but just remember that there is no shame in needing help. We all need help sometimes, if you feel stuck, or lost, or that you just don't know what to do, talk to an adult you trust. If you're young, it's very unlikely that your friends will be able to help you...but, they might be able to encourage you to <i>seek</i> help. If you feel you really can't talk to anyone other than a friend, make sure it's someone who is trustworthy.
Or if you just can't bring yourself to talk to anyone in real life, our help and advice section might just help you if you post about the problem there. Try not to exaggerate, though, and try to explain as calmly as you can. That'll help us to give you the best and most relevant advice we're capable of.





<b>Competing With Other Self-Harmers</b>

If you're doing this, I think you just need to take a step back and look at what you're doing. What do you hope to achieve by this? This can be particularly dangerous- you don't want to kill yourself, but there's always a possibility that you accidentally could. You also pose a serious risk of paralysis if you cut too deeply. Can you imagine how awful it would be to be paralysed in one arm for the rest of your life? All because you felt compelled to <i>win</i> at self harm?

If you really feel the need to win at something, make it something constructive, something that's actually worth something. A sport, music, art, poetry, anything. Even find a forum about (or against) something you're passionate about and defend it.
I think the most important thing to realise in this case is that you're not really winning anything by cutting deeper than other people, all you're doing is hurting yourself and the people who care about you.

<b>First hand.</b>
Here's a first hand account of the consequences of self-harm from a regular member of EC - <b>LyCaNpIrExGiRl</b>. It may make you think twice about self-harming and is definitely worth reading.

<!--quoteo(post=1062721:date=Jul 6 2010, 09:32 PM:name=LyCaNpIrExGiRl)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (LyCaNpIrExGiRl @ Jul 6 2010, 09:32 PM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=1062721"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->Over the past year or so, I was going through a bad spate of depression, and stressful times at home and other things, so I turned to cutting and other self-mutilation.
I am now scarred for life, my arms, legs and stomach area are a mess. Other than the physical problems, I now have internal issues. As I have lost so much blood my body can't replenish it's self when and as it needs to, as you can probably see this causes major problems. I have to go every few weeks to the hospital to have blood transfusions and tests to make sure my body is functioning properly.

I am monitored all the time...and I get little or no time alone, my mom/someone has to be watching me all the time, and I am not allowed near anything sharp including butter knives and child safe scissors. As you can see this will have a major impact on my life, I am lucky I am not on medication. On Sunday night/ Monday morning I was admitted to the hospital as all weekend I had been having really bad dizzy spells, and I later fainted and went into a semi-coma, or out cold as most people know it, waking up early tuesday morning. I stopped cutting in about May, with the help of my friends and family and boyfriend. Without them I would most likely be dead, because they were the ones that put me in hospital and got me the help I needed.

Now, all you self harmers out there, you may be reading this and thinking maybe I want to die, that's the whole point, but, in the end, you will realise you don't want to die, and I want this to be the wake up call you need, because until I was at the point of near death, and how I am now, I was the same, I wanna die, my life sucks etc.

You don't want to die, you have a life worth living, so live it. I am so lucky to still be alive, and now, I value my life so much, and you should yours, otherwise, you keep going and you'll end up like me, or worse, dead. Stop and think about it.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

<a href="http://www.emo-corner.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=47765&st=20&gopid=1072256&#entry1072256" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Here's a link to the original thread for more information.</a>

Advice from another well established member:
<!--quoteo(post=519012:date=Jan 14 2009, 01:43 AM:name=No Quarter)--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (No Quarter @ Jan 14 2009, 01:43 AM) <a href="index.php?act=findpost&pid=519012"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></a></div><div class='quotemain'><!--quotec-->If you cut because of shit in your life or whatever - put down your razor and take a look at yourself and reality.
Why yes cutting can be a release for you, stress wise and give you a temporary high. But it's just an idiotic way to deal with things. You can't go on with your life just cutting yourself because shit gets hard. If you could take grasp of your own life. You could probably find hapiness if you TRIED to. Which is so much better than a high.

Can't stop cutting? Throw your shit away, and make a damn stand to yourself. Not "I want to quit. But it feels good". But "I'm a human being goddamnit, and I have value for my own life". Because from what I hear. Getting over cutting sounds like nothing compaired to Hard drugs. So quit saying you cannot quit. Because if you give yourself the will power and the respect. You can. Need to find a release? Find something creative and positive, rather than self destructive to do. Music, Friends, Instruments, Art. Things like that.
Because people normally cut for the release, if you have nothing really serious you need to release about anymore. Why should you cut? Because being honest here. You may think Cutting is alright now. But in 10 or 20 years. You'll probably regret it for most of your life.
I've gone through with my own self destructive behaviour as a release, and I DO regret it.<!--QuoteEnd--></div><!--QuoteEEnd-->

[NazTheCatfishFucker]

Thanks! Now I can simply link this to the people who keep asking me for help!! xx

[finality]

Thanks! Now I can simply link this to the people who keep asking me for help!! xx

You like it better than the old one then?

[l0llipop-voodoo]

Ive kinda started cutting myself.. It started with me just wanted to know which was sharper.. Razor or scissors .. But now i feel like i want to do it more.. And im really confused..

[TerrierChad]

Are you seeking help for it at the moment? Does anyone know you cut?

[l0llipop-voodoo]

No.
A couple of my friends know.. Theyve asked me not to do it again but i want to keep doing it..

[TerrierChad]

Ok, something I will recommend being that you're from the UK is to look for a charity called 'Mind'. Stick it in Google and you should find. They run a counselling service amongst other things which I found really helped with my depression. Aside from that, the other thing you should do is go to your doctors and have a discussing with them.

[l0llipop-voodoo]

Thank you but i dont want my mother to find out.. She already believes im taking drugs which im not..

[TerrierChad]

Understandable. With the doctors though you don't have your parents with you when you're 15. As long as you are already registered at a doctors you can go there by yourself. As for Mind, I'm not too sure whether you can go under 16. Mind you, you can always ring them up and ask. In saying this, chances are, at some point in your life, your parents will find out. Sometimes it's best to get it all out in the open early on.

[l0llipop-voodoo]

Thanks for the help [:

[TerrierChad]

No problem
Just researched what I said earlier about age limits and I found this on my local Mind site:

Secondary Age?
DO WE HAVE TO TELL ANYONE?
PARENTS?

If you are over 12 or thought to be 'Fraser' competent (you have the ability and maturity to give valid consent after receiving all the relevant information) you will not need your parent/carers' permission to come to see us. If this is true you can come and see us without parents/carers knowing, unless you want to tell them?

If you are under 12 or not 'Fraser' competent, you will need your parent/carer to agree that you can come to see us, they will need to sign the referral form.
TEACHERS?

In secondary schools we offer appointments that last the length of the lesson, and we only inform key teachers/attendance about the appointment. This means that when it's time for your appointment you can easily come and see us without explaining to your friends/subject teachers where you are going.
ANYONE ELSE?

Rotherham Mind offers a confidential service; this means that we do not tell anyone what young people talk about. But on some occasions we have to tell someone else. These are:

* If they or another young persons' life is at risk
*
If they or another young person are hurting themselves
*
If they or another young person are being abused – sexually, physically or emotionally

If you did tell us something that we felt we needed to tell someone else we wouldn't always be able to say who we need to tell, but we would tell you that we need to pass this information on. We would only tell the people who need to know.

We are happy to talk about this with everyone who comes to the service and then it is your choice to talk about difficult issues.

Hope that helps.

[l0llipop-voodoo]

Once again thanks alot [:

[TerrierChad]

Once again thanks alot [:

No problem, best of luck

[!«~ҳ.Scarletҳ~»]

Used to, I did it because it made me feel good. When I got angry and couldn't control myself, it would always calm me down. Something I could always turn to. Now I don't anymore. I think its weak and stupid. Thats how I will have it be. Once I stopped I got into alot more fist fights and fighting with so many people. I can deal with it. I would still do both, but with cutting I could calm way down before talking to that person.

[UnderstandMeOrNotHereICome]

Ive kinda started cutting myself.. It started with me just wanted to know which was sharper.. Razor or scissors .. But now i feel like i want to do it more.. And im really confused..

Well, Im gonna tell you from my experience, that, well, razors are sharper, and now, you're gonna get a little story to go along with it to maybe help you.

I used to cut, and to this day, sometimes I still wish I did, and I wish I never got caught, but that was my own fault for doing "show and tell".

But, when I got caught, it was the scariest and most painful days of my life.
It started in the morning, in gym, when my friends confronted me, and by math, I was in the counselor's office, trying to explain. I begged her to not tell my mom, and what do you know, she told.
That day, my mom was crying and asking me why, and wanted me to show her.
I refused.
She threatened to ban me from going on a three day school trip, and I had to give in.
I couldnt stand the look on her face, or the rest of the people's faces.
It still haunts me, but then again, a side of me doesnt care.
I didnt care what they thought, what they felt, how it affected them.
All I wanted, was to not have to live with everything that felt like it was suffocating me, and pulling me down, so I couldnt escape. (little poetic there)
Oh, yea, my relationships with everyone are damaged now, and I feel like I cant trust a soul other then my friends.
Well, I still feel that way, trapped.
And I get the most terrible urges to cut, and sometimes, I fall back into those urges, but fighting them makes you a stronger person. And the stronger you are, the more you can stand tall and be proud of who you are.
I really hope this helps you, cause I started crying when I wrote it.
I told ya you'd get a story!
If you need anything else, or, well, hell, just need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me

[Ataichi]

It's like you took the thoughts right out of my mind. Good job, Finality.

[hittokirigfc]

my reason is "To block out thoughts you just don't want to think, or mental or emotional pain, or to deal with stress". to be honest, this is the first time i have ever spilled this since the first time 2 years ago. my parents ask me why i wear long sleeves during the summer, i say i'm "cold" but its to cover the scar running from my shoulder to just before my wrist. this is really the first time i have made any mention of it outside of my mind and the poem in my signiture.

[FiercesomeFreak]

I saw this topic and I automatically jumped to it.
I need help finding other ways to help myself.
(I'm really sorry if the following is too much information. But I want help. And this is the only way I can get it.)
Yesterday, was the first time I cut. I'd been depressed for almost a year. And my mom dropped this huge bomb on me that I would rather not share in a public domain. Anyways, it drove me crazy. So I went into my bathroom, locked the door, broke one of the brand new razors and I stared at that blade for a good 10 minutes. I had debated it for so long through the year. But something drove me to do it. So I slid it across my forearm for the first time. It stung really bad at first. But the second time it started feeling better. 3rd cut and I felt like I was going to be okay. By the time I was done, I had 14 cuts on my arm, some deeper than others by accident, and I watched the blood begin to seep through my skin. About 5 minutes after that I went to the kitchen to get some paper towels to soak up the blood. But it just kept coming out. I thought I had hit a vein and I was scared. But I didn't say anything. Right before I did it, we were getting ready to take me to the hospital because I shared with my mom that I tried to choke myself to death with my belt.

So I'm sitting in the doctor's office, holding the layer of paper towels to my skin, wincing at the random tweaks of pain under my hoodie. That night I sort of forgot they were there and I didn't get the chance to clean them up. So while I was drumming on Rockband, my step dad saw them and asked me what they were. And I said nothing. My mom knew exactly what they were and jumped into preaching to me about how Jesus and God can help me. She knows I've given up on that. But I could see in her eyes for the first time that she was genuinely concerned about me.

I just want someone to help me stop before I start. I've only done it once, and I don't wanna do it again. What can I do that will help me prevent myself from cutting every again?

[Phoenix]

On the matter of hiding scars: Ask your local chemist (Assuming you are above the legal age to be given prescriptions without parents) and ask for creams that reduce scars. Find a concealer that matches your skin tone. Eventually, some one will find out, though

On the why should you stop cutting: Because, if you don't, this could happen to you www.emo-corner.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=47765 Just click the link, and read what happened to her.

On the how:
Willpower. Talk to someone about it. I once did free hugs to make me feel better. If you must do something of that nature, crush an ice cube in your hand, Hit your funny bone against something, or snap an elastic band. Remove blades from easy reach or throw them out. For shaving use hair removal cream.
You have to work at it, but its worth it.

[EmptyHope]

I cut myself really bad sometimes.I don't care if I go to far,i just want to see the blood and feel the pain. My cousin knows how bad it is and how depressed i am but she never says anything neither do my friends.