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Routine

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24 replies to this topic

#1
Dark Angel Spirit

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Routine

Callous kaiser of my life
Consuming spontaneity
Bathing in mundanity
Smothering my sorry soul

Confining me to boredom's grasp
Making me always repeat
Bleeding me of life's delight
Reducing me to automation

Starved of spirit, a broken heart
Pining for imagination
Living life on auto-pilot
Sinking into nonexistence

Days and weeks and months and years
Melting into one another
Corroding my intelligence
Madness knocking on my door

Dissolving everything unique
Leaving me somewhat bemused
A prisoner of self-control
A hostage of my own delusion

Ambition now a fantasy
Hope a distant memory
Dreams my only brief release
My only source of stimulation

Suffering without support
A silent victim on his knees
Crying out for true relief
Awaiting death with baited breath

Survival keeping me alive
Driving me from dawn 'til dusk
A tired mind consumed by grief
A clockwork life bereft of will


Commentary and feedback would be much appreciated.
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#2
finality

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This is excellent, definitely a contender for best poems.
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#3
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (Finality @ Jun 4 2010, 08:04 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This is excellent, definitely a contender for best poems.

Thank you so much! I wasn't quite sure about the quality of this one so I posted it to try to get a second opinion.
Thank you once again for your wonderful comment! happy.gif
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#4
Nereus

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Toni is right. This is a wonderful poem. Excellent use of language, it flowed quite well. I really loved it. You also have some talent. smile.gif
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#5
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (inanewyorkstateofmind @ Jun 5 2010, 06:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Toni is right. This is a wonderful poem. Excellent use of language, it flowed quite well. I really loved it. You also have some talent. smile.gif

Thank you so much for your amazing comment! It makes me so happy to hear that someone else has enjoyed my poetry. Again, thank you. happy.gif
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#6
Sphygmos

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I love it.

I agree with New York and Finality. This should definitely be in Best Poems.
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#7
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (Radiolaria @ Jun 6 2010, 06:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I love it.

I agree with New York and Finality. This should definitely be in Best Poems.

Thank you so much! It makes me so happy to hear that other people enjoy my poetry. happy.gif
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#8
EPiClarity™

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I think you put this together extremely well it went smooth and the words you used made it that much more..Awesome!
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#9
Sepulchre

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Loved it, agree with Jessticles - best poem section for sure
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#10
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (Jessticles @ Jun 7 2010, 02:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Excellent. Very well written, should be in the best poems section for sure. 

Thank you so much for your amazing comment! happy.gif
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#11
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (EPiClarity™ @ Jun 7 2010, 04:08 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you put this together extremely well it went smooth and the words you used made it that much more..Awesome!

Thank you so much! It feels amazing when other people say they like my poetry. Thanks again! biggrin.gif
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#12
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (-Unwanted- @ Jun 7 2010, 04:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Loved it, agree with Jessticles - best poem section for sure

Thank you so much! It makes me so happy to hear that you liked my poem. Good luck! happy.gif
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#13
Demon of Chaos

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QUOTE (Dark Angel Spirit @ Jun 7 2010, 12:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thank you so much! It makes me so happy to hear that you liked my poem. Good luck! happy.gif

Very good Lyrics now let me try my own, Here goes:

Pain strikes my eyes
makes me go blind
why can I not see
that what pains you is me

The pain then strikes my life
then I want to cry
when pain strikes my life
I want to die


To make my pain go away
There's things I want to say
I must slay the things that make the pain stay
to make the pain go away

Because Pain Strikes my eyes

That was my best try
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#14
XxUndeadPrincessxX

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o.e nice...
poetry is one of my fav pass times,
but for me to ever be able to write as skillfully as you and other people on here would be phenominal...

why can 12 year olds spell DX sorry for my incompetence, i seriously cant spell...

Anyway goodluck and keep writing (Y)(L)
^-^
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#15
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (Demon of Chaos @ Sep 8 2010, 01:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Very good Lyrics now let me try my own, Here goes:

Pain strikes my eyes
makes me go blind
why can I not see
that what pains you is me

The pain then strikes my life
then I want to cry
when pain strikes my life
I want to die


To make my pain go away
There's things I want to say
I must slay the things that make the pain stay
to make the pain go away

Because Pain Strikes my eyes

That was my best try

Thank you for your kind words. happy.gif

And your piece is well constructed. Your repetition of the word "pain" viscerally emphasizes your message. Well done!
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#16
Dark Angel Spirit

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QUOTE (XxUndeadPrincessxX @ Sep 9 2010, 10:09 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
o.e nice...
poetry is one of my fav pass times,
but for me to ever be able to write as skillfully as you and other people on here would be phenominal...

why can 12 year olds spell DX sorry for my incompetence, i seriously cant spell...

Anyway goodluck and keep writing (Y)(L)
^-^

Your poetic voice is as beautiful as everyone else's. If you believe in that, you will be able to write as freely as anybody. In my experience, it has always been about confidence and desire and not "ability".

Spelling is a cosmetic ability. Remember, it is only convention that states that "cat" is spelled "C-A-T". For me, the meaning and ideas behind words are far more important than how they are supposed to be pronounced or written.

Thank you so much! I will try to, but life appears to have other ideas at the moment.

happy.gif
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#17
Breanna Brookins

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WOW THAT was really deep . it was great. ur a good poet smile.gif
QUOTE (Dark Angel Spirit @ May 27 2010, 09:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Routine

Callous kaiser of my life
Consuming spontaneity
Bathing in mundanity
Smothering my sorry soul

Confining me to boredom's grasp
Making me always repeat
Bleeding me of life's delight
Reducing me to automation

Starved of spirit, a broken heart
Pining for imagination
Living life on auto-pilot
Sinking into nonexistence

Days and weeks and months and years
Melting into one another
Corroding my intelligence
Madness knocking on my door

Dissolving everything unique
Leaving me somewhat bemused
A prisoner of self-control
A hostage of my own delusion

Ambition now a fantasy
Hope a distant memory
Dreams my only brief release
My only source of stimulation

Suffering without support
A silent victim on his knees
Crying out for true relief
Awaiting death with baited breath

Survival keeping me alive
Driving me from dawn 'til dusk
A tired mind consumed by grief
A clockwork life bereft of will


Commentary and feedback would be much appreciated.


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#18
Breanna Brookins

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WOW THAT was really deep . it was great. ur a good poet smile.gif
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#19
Bimp

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Awful.
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#20
nryyan

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thats really deep. im new to emo-corner and dont know how to work it just yet,
but thats a A+ poem.
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