27 replies to this topic

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

Alright so I just came out of two year long relationship where my gf had left me for another guy. I did nothing wrong, it was just her. I was devasted, but i managed. Here's my true concern. My ex-girlfriend is now best friend. I have no idea how the fuck it happened. But now its pretty awkward.
To make matters worse, a girl from my past is in love with me, but she can't stand my ex. Part of me wants to keep my ex as my bff becuz without her, i feel dead. Another part of me wants to give the other girl a chance and severe all my ties with my ex. I don't think i can bring myself to it though. Each day the drama and stress gets worse to where i don't know what the hell im going to do.

Can someone tell me what I should do. I feel lost, and I've been trying to look for a way out of the situation, but i'm always drawn back in.

[Steve]

Well first of all, you have to figure out if you're "best friends" with your ex because you still have feelings for her or you're genuinely best friends. If you still have romantic feelings for her, my suggestion is to try and stay away from her, you're not doing yourself any good sticking around her, even if she wanted you back, you would always have the paranoid thought in the back of your mind that she'll do the same again. I'm friends with my ex, so it's not odd to have that happen, but I know for a fact I'd never want her back which is why it makes it so easy to talk to her about things.

[ ᠎]

Being "best friends" is never going to work out. Your girlfriend left because she was attracted to the other guy more, but now she wants to keep you around as her emotional tampon. Don't fucking let her.

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

I think for me its that I have very little romance feelings for her, it's just that she had always been my emotional lifeline for 2yrs, so i'll feel lost unless i find someone else who can fill that position.

[Reflection]

Being "best friends" is never going to work out. Your girlfriend left because she was attracted to the other guy more, but now you want to keep her around as your emotional tampon. And for some reason, she let you.

fix'd

@ OP: Don't do this to yourself. Just figure out what you want and go with that.

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

I think i know what I want, but it just seems like it isn't as solid as i would like it to be. Maybe i should just stop being friends with her. Cuz it does seem like im trying to hold onto the past. But me and her have the same mutual friends, so it wud get a little awkward.

[Reflection]

Maybe try to transition from "friends" to "friendly acquaintances"?

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

Maybe try to transition from "friends" to "friendly acquaintances"?

Maybe your right reflection. I might try that. but i just might c how things play out during this week

[THE MAN]

I agree with the above. Just put a bit of distance between you and her. See your other friends more and the like. It is hard losing that emotional support like that but she looks like she has moved on. It's not like you have to cut all ties and be completely blunt about it. You just don't tell her everything you would have before, you don't solicit her for one on one time and the like. Have your deep and meaningfuls with another. Don't stop inviting her too things just do them in a group environment. It doesn't have to be a case of cut and run.

As for the new girl, is she actually asking you to completely ditch your ex? That type of thing would get an automatic no from me. I don't like people telling me what to do. I think you should take some time and space before jumping into anything new.

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

Ok, well some new stuff has came up. She recently became single, and lately shes been looking to me for closeness. Not to mention shes hinted at getting back together. I def know i shudnt, because tht cud mean a repeat of heartbreak. But part of me wud like to have her again. Ik i really sound stupid, but she's my first love and its really hard for me to lose her. But i need some opinions on this one.

[THE MAN]

First love is a bitch to get rid of. It sounds like she is incapable of being alone and terribly needy. You also sound like you could be as well. She could be idolising the time you spent together that stuff happens with the past. My advice look closely at your feelings. Sort out that you still love her and love her for all the right reasons. Also look closely at hers. Be wary of being the safety blanket this situation could foretell. By that the person she can always come back to.

My advice would be to give her space and yourself space. She is only newly single so is probably trying to plug the gap that makes. If you and her want to make with the togethering after time has passed do it.

[Reflection]

Meep has spoken. Have faith, for she is wise.

[darryldemented]

i have this exact same situation. we dated on and off a few times and stayed friends then recently we dated and he broke up with me for a boy he lived with bc the other people in the house pressured him into it but he told me he just wanted space and to see if he had feelings for the other boy. it really hurt my feelings and at first i didn't wanna be friends and almost cut all ties then i decided whatever he can mess up his life if he wants (other boy is a slut). now their relationship is failing bc the other boy cheated and he wants me but i have a new bf who actually cares about me and doesn't lie to me so i told him he'd just have to find someone else. he always tries to mix romantic feelings in to the friendship which is quite annoying conisdering he hurt me so bad that i don't think he will ever get another shot. i do have some feelings and for a while my new bf and him hated each other (eli didn't see how he could do that me and was really pissed at him and he hated eli because he claimed eli knew he wanted me)

(food for thought) in this situation you have to tell both of them that you aren't telling either of them to go away because one doesn't like the other. if you are her true best friend you wont shoo her off for a girl, if the other girl really cared she wouldn't want you to stop talking to your ex. however in your case she is single now and is talking of getting back together. don't do it unless you have gotten past the hurt as that will only complicate the relationship. once you are past those feelings you could try if you want but i wouldn't advise it because she may just do it again.

i thinnk your best bet is to just move on and date a different girl and keep her in the friend zone. (sorry for the cliche)

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

Well.... we got back together today. Im happy, but skeptic. It feels like a huge hole in my heart was filled. But how we got to being together again actually ironically started in an arguement lol. I know i can do nothing wrong to hurt her (and i never wud). She's given me her word that she wont hurt me again. I kinda believe her because we both cherish the friendship we had dearly, and if one of us hurts the other, then our friendship is ruined. I have faith in her, shes a good hearted person, and i've forgiven her for her mistake.

Do i seem stupid?

[Lightning.]

Yes, she dumped you cos something better came along, that something better has dumped her so now she wants you again.
This girl is not the type of girlfriend you should want. Yes it might be all fine and dandy now but wait till someone else catches her interest you'll be dropped like a sack of spuds

So yes you are an idiot.

[teensuicide]

that does sound like a lot of poopsies i thinkies maybes somebody needs to grow a back bone and let those bitches know who wears the trousers around here

a yes you do ^-^ a yes you do ^-^

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

Yeah, i know i do seem stupid, but im willing to risk it all for her. Thats how much i love her. I know alot of you guys this im the biggest dumbass in the world, nd maybe i am, but i appreciate her, and ill always care for her.

[teensuicide]

^ but what about how she treats you? are you sure she feels the same way? because from here it doesn't really look like it

[Lightning.]

If she loved you she wouldn't have done that in the first place you're heading for heartbreak sir
You rightly point out that you're a twat everyone on this thread has told you to stay away but cos you "appreciate" her you decide to let her hurt you again well done sir
Hope she doesn't hurt you too badly

[xXAshes-In-WinterXx]

I think im being stubborn about this. I understand what everyone has told me, but i think im being stubborn. I dont want to lose her, but i know something might go wrong. @Lightning, i hope she dont hurt me at all, but it may happen.
Even though she and i are back together, we aren't as bonded as before. Thats because i wont let us become real close since im skeptic of the relationship. Im wedging space between us so incase something comes up, the aftermath wont be as severe as before.