70 replies to this topic

[LionJess]

So it's the "only" day of the year, or four as it may be, that women can actually propose, and it got me to thinking about it - there is no way in hell I think I could EVER propose to someone. I don't know, maybe it'd be different if you're sure it's gonna happen and you've talked about it before and that's where your relationship is but... just the thoughts of it, EEK! My nerves. What if they said no? =/ How awkward. How the fuck do you follow up a no to a proposal? "Okay well how about Chinese tonight then?" =/

I'm pretty much the same about asking people out, or generally making the first move. It's a bit of a stereotype yes, but I would prefer a guy make the first move. I generally don't really believe someone would actually like me until they say it outright... I'd be cool with asking someone for coffee or to hang out more, and I don't care about texting/calling first, any of that shit, but even say: first kiss, I would generally prefer that it be initiated for the very first time by the guy.


How confident are you in all of these love matters, EC? Do you care who does it? And could you propose

[Lightning.]

I'm the same I'd be so crushed if they said no

So I generally wait for a guy to make the first move.

How ever I did make the first move with a girl before but she never replied ); all mai creys her friend told me she was scared in case I wasn't serious as I was a little drunk when we hooked up ); sad day for me

[Steve]

Well in all my past relationships, I've been the one to ask the girl out, to initiate most things etc. Sex was initiated by them sometimes though, but by then we were already past the uncomfortable "do they like me?" stage so yeah. I'd never propose to someone though, but that's just because I don't want to marry. Ever. Everyone I know agrees with the whole "The guy should make the first move" idea, I tend to agree too.

[finality]

Yeah I definitely don't think I would ever propose. I'm pretty awkward when I don't know if someone likes me or not. I have sort of initiated things in the past, by asking something like "do you think we could ever be more than friends?" but I was pushed to that point after months of frustration at not knowing. Unsure whether I'd have that courage now.
I don't think I'd ever actually ask a guy out. Waaaay too scary for me

I often jokingly say things like "I luv you bby" to friends, both male and female, and when it's not serious it's fine, but when it comes to actually letting someone know I'm in love with them... I probably wouldn't make the first move there, I'd feel shit even if they said it back as I'd be wondering if they really meant it or if they were just trying not to hurt my feelings.

[Reflection]

You are all sexist pigs.

You seem to think it's somehow less nerve-wracking or less awkward for a male to make these sorts of advances.
You also seem to disregard the fear of rejection that males experience with the "oh it would be too scary for me so I'll just let him deal with it instead" comments.

With the exception of Steve I think you all need to grow some balls.

Steve needs to grow ovaries.

[Lavinia]

I'm pretty confident. If a like a guy I'll tell him. I'm not a wuss.

However if there has been times when I wouldn't ask a guy out, because I'm too insecure. But other than that, I don't mind making the first move. I have jokingly propsed to friends in crowded places, and they have either rejected or accepeted me. :L

but seriously, if you like someone just tell them. Man the fuck up and get on with it.

[finality]

You are all sexist pigs.

You seem to think it's somehow less nerve-wracking or less awkward for a male to make these sorts of advances.
You also seem to disregard the fear of rejection that males experience with the "oh it would be too scary for me so I'll just let him deal with it instead" comments.

With the exception of Steve I think you all need to grow some balls.

Steve needs to grow ovaries.

I know that it's not any easier for males, I'm just so incredibly terrified of feelings. :'(

[Two Headed Bro]

I have a terrible fear of rejection.

[finality]

I have a terrible fear of rejection.

remember, God's gift to women, varg

[Mindy Simmons]

I definitely could never propose to someone, it would shatter my girlhood dreams of a man down on one knee asking for my hand in marriage after a romantic evening. :3

In all seriousness though, I'm generally very shy when it comes to initiating anything, and even if I know they want me too, I still fear rejection. In the past, I have very rarely initiated anything, but recent events in my life have made me realise that that can lead to regret. Life is short and I like to think that if I were in a situation where I thought there was mutual interest, that I would at least do SOMETHING, rather than wait around torturing myself by wondering for fucking ever.

[Two Headed Bro]

remember, God's gift to women, varg

[NewlyGeeking]

I have no confidence whatsoever... I get all nervous and if I do like someone I generally make it really obvious... And if I do somehow gain the courage to actually say anything I wall-of-words them, promise to squish the feelings.
I fear rejection as much as I fear the stage, as soon as I'm rejected (yes I am such a girl when it comes to shit like this) I generally have a cry, wonder what is wrong with me... Consider being a nun... And then get over it.
In some ways I'm used to rejection so I know that all this is an over-reaction... But it still freaks me out like nothing else.

[Algernon]

So far I have always been the one to initiate things, bar one exception (which I attribute to her being six years older than me and extremely assertive and dominant in all aspects of life). It never felt like making the first move was something I, being the guy, had to do. It just happened that way.

I don’t think it should automatically be up to the guy; the specific circumstances and the specific people involved should dictate how it goes. If a woman likes a guy a lot but she refuses to initiate things because she’s convinced that’s not how it’s meant to go, and the guy is oblivious or too shy to do anything, then surely it’s she who has to make the first move, regardless of the stereotype that says it’s up to the guy. Adhering to the stereotype for the simple sake of ‘romance’ or any notion of ‘that’s how it’s meant to go’ is ridiculous.

Although I tend to overanalyse things sometimes, which admittedly can lead to anxiety, I have never had qualms about asking a girl out, or making the first move for a proper kiss or anything like that. I do, however, prefer to err on the side of caution and not risk ruining everything by being too forward and presumptuous. If I think she wants the things I want, then there is no reason to hold back.

As for proposing... I don’t imagine it being all that different from initiating any other big thing in a relationship. Say you’re in a relationship for several years, you will have talked about marriage several times, and after all that time you will know each other very well and know their desires and hopes too. Surely you can make a good decision at that point whether to propose or not with a good knowledge of what the answer will be.

But, for me, that’s unimportant. I never, ever want to get married or have children. If I were in a relationship and she says she will leave me if we don’t get married and/or have children, I will gladly help her pack up things and drop her off at her place.

[Anne-Marie]

Ohh no. I don't initiate anything. Not that I think a guy should make the first move, I don't do it with girls, either.

It goes way beyond asking someone out, too. I get nervous even when I have to text a friend or approach a stranger. Honestly, even when I get asked out, my first reaction is "What if they're joking, I'll be humiliated if I say yes".

Social awkwardness and extreme fear of rejection FTW.

[LionJess]

You seem to think it's somehow less nerve-wracking or less awkward for a male to make these sorts of advances.
You also seem to disregard the fear of rejection that males experience with the "oh it would be too scary for me so I'll just let him deal with it instead" comments.

With the exception of Steve I think you all need to grow some balls.

Steve needs to grow ovaries.

I never said that I thought guys would find it any easier  If anything, if I were a guy I'd probably think it's incredibly unfair that the expectation is on me to initiate things. But I'm not talking about things here from a gender basis, just purely personally. I don't think I could imagine proposing to someone.

Regarding what steve said, I don't mind initiating sex or asking for a kiss or calling first, initiating conversation etc, I don't mind doing any of that. Just say, making it official or something, I would prefer the other person to. I think a first kiss tends to be a kind of mutual flirtation until it happens. But I could never just walk up to a guy in a bar and start flirting with him and ask him out or whatever, definitely not, that's just not me. I wouldn't really think that someone is interested unless they express it quite clearly, either through actions or words. After that, I'm fine to initiate things. 

[finality]

Ohh no. I don't initiate anything. Not that I think a guy should make the first move, I don't do it with girls, either.

It goes way beyond asking someone out, too. I get nervous even when I have to text a friend or approach a stranger. Honestly, even when I get asked out, my first reaction is "What if they're joking, I'll be humiliated if I say yes".

Social awkwardness and extreme fear of rejection FTW.

Haha that sounds just like me.

[LionJess]

Ohh no. I don't initiate anything. Not that I think a guy should make the first move, I don't do it with girls, either.

It goes way beyond asking someone out, too. I get nervous even when I have to text a friend or approach a stranger. Honestly, even when I get asked out, my first reaction is "What if they're joking, I'll be humiliated if I say yes".

Social awkwardness and extreme fear of rejection FTW.

Wow, that's a pretty extreme example. And have you ever done it? What usually happens then? I can't imagine getting nervous texting a friend. I can understand being a bit iffy about approaching strangers, but friends or non-romantic situations, that must be pretty tough.

[Anne-Marie]

Wow, that's a pretty extreme example. And have you ever done it? What usually happens then? I can't imagine getting nervous texting a friend. I can understand being a bit iffy about approaching strangers, but friends or non-romantic situations, that must be pretty tough.

I have asked a guy out once. We went out once but I didn't really like him all that much. (I think that might be the reason I was able to confront him since there wasn't a whole lot at stake) I once kissed a guy without him initiating it. But he was a friend and we were having a slightly drunken cotton candy eating competition, so I couldn't help it. Other than that, nothing.

Generally I just get really nervous, kind of like I would when I have to give a presentation or do a really important exam. When I get nervous, I try to get out of the situation. I feel that it's not important enough It's gotten a lot better since my Prometheus camp last summer. People tell me I'm more lively and comfortable in social situations.

I don't really think about it that much. I'm comfortable by myself or with close friends, anyway, and I don't usually feel a need to get to know new people. And again, if people approach me first, it's easier for me.

[ ᠎]

I've always initiated. Its never too nerve wracking, since I like to drag out the flirtation phase. (Chase>Kill).

But a girl initiating sex is hot as fuck.

[finality]

Initiating sex or kissing a guy is actually not a problem at all for me, especially if I've been drinking a bit, unless it's someone I really like in which case I'll keep my distance til I know for sure they're interested.