Jump to content

Welcome to Emo Forums
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!
Photo

[Poem] What Is Love, Anyway?

- - - - -

  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1
lukejeffrey12

lukejeffrey12

    Spiraling Tempest

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 291 posts
Another poem. . . It's only a little'un. Any constructive criticism is welcome. Abuse is expected.




What is Love, Anyway?


You are the cicatrice
Your ubiquity marked
on my skin
you permanently adorn

You are the reflection
of my condition
disregard the bud
and ignore the prick of thorns

You are the concept
of a terminal bout
of selfishness
in it's most violent form

#2
Staton

Staton

    King of the Internet

  • Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 4,231 posts
Wrong 'its' brah

#3
lukejeffrey12

lukejeffrey12

    Spiraling Tempest

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 291 posts

Wrong 'its' brah


I've 'cleverly' personified the concept of selfishness!

(That and It won't let me re-edit my post :( )

#4
bai_rawr

bai_rawr

    Tortured Rose

  • Full Members
  • PipPip
  • 68 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Country
  • US State:North Carolina
  • Fav Band falling in reverse
  • Fav Song Pick Up The Phone
its good but the poem need to be describe so it would be easyer to relate to and for it more easyer to see the picture your try to create use smaller words because you have to many words to process to try to create the picture in your head i hope that helps

#5
ZombieRecon

ZombieRecon

    Nigrescent Black Hole

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 400 posts
+1
Love it Luke

#6
lukejeffrey12

lukejeffrey12

    Spiraling Tempest

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 291 posts

its good but the poem need to be describe so it would be easyer to relate to and for it more easyer to see the picture your try to create use smaller words because you have to many words to process to try to create the picture in your head i hope that helps


The ambiguity is the basis of the poem. Form reflects content and all that. . . Thanks for commenting but to write obvious, descriptive poetry would be an insult to peoples intelligence. It is a criminal form of poetry and it is adolescent in the highest. And I will not 'use smaller words'. I refuse to cater to the lowest common denominator. Byron wouldn't do it. Wilde wouldn't do it. I won't do it. But thanks for the comment anyway :)

And thanks Jade :) I'm glad somebody liked it :(

#7
DarkParadise

DarkParadise

    Come on baby show me what that loaded gun is for?

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,431 posts
When I read it for some reason I hear a pleading voice beyond it. Either way, I really liked the poem. It was really fucking awesome.
:Love:

#8
hjohn

hjohn

    Tortured Rose

  • Full Members
  • PipPip
  • 54 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Country
  • Fav Band Chet Baker
I like the wording and structure thought it would make it easier to read if you had used some punctuation here. I don't like the first sentence though it ruines the poem for me. You have used a good language yet the first line is just a punch in the guts "What is love, anyway?" No I think the poem is better without it.

#9
lukejeffrey12

lukejeffrey12

    Spiraling Tempest

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 291 posts
Thanks for the lovely comments :3

Uh, hjohn; 'What is Love Anyway? is the title it isn't a line in the poem nor an extention of it. It is merely the theme explored in the poem and the three stanzas attempt to answer that . . . So no need to worry, matey :P

#10
hjohn

hjohn

    Tortured Rose

  • Full Members
  • PipPip
  • 54 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Country
  • Fav Band Chet Baker
Oh, that's true! I missed it and I apologize for it!

#11
lukejeffrey12

lukejeffrey12

    Spiraling Tempest

  • Full Members
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 291 posts
No worries, my friend :) Do you have any poetry on here to devoured and discussed?




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users