40 replies to this topic

[Lady Pitbull]

Scared dreams

I'm wrapped in lonesome memories
Lost in forgotten arms
Feelings of plain mystery

Tomorrow when I wake
The dreams may fade away
So I have till morning breaks
To enjoy. The torture. Of my nightmare's ways

So let me dream a little more
For that's where my heart may be found
Locked away
Chained and bound

Hidden from scared eyes
And strayed away from cursed wishes
Where love is not found
And all there is, is meaningless kisses
And hatred is stowed. Safe and sound

[Insane Pie]

Line 6 - I think "until" would sound better than "till".

Line 7- Not exactly sure why you are using periods for breaks.

[ßι@κ3 ß]

i love this what was the ryme scheme if i may ask

[Lady Pitbull]

i love this what was the ryme scheme if i may ask

Sorry idk... I know it's free verse... ... maybe
A
B
A
A

C
D
C
C

E
F
D
F

G
H
F
I
F




Its been forever since I studied the rules of poetry... idk if this is even right

[Lady Pitbull]

Line 6 - I think "until" would sound better than "till".

Line 7- Not exactly sure why you are using periods for breaks.

Sorry... I'm a little. Intoxicated ... if it wasn't for spell check my spelling would be horrible. Too... and thanks about the till part... ill fix it to until.

[Lady Pitbull]

Scared dreams

I'm wrapped in lonesome memories
Lost in forgotten arms
Feelings of plain mystery

Tomorrow when I wake
The dreams may fade away
So I have until morning breaks
To enjoy the torture of my nightmare's ways

So let me dream a little more
For that's where my heart may be found
Locked away
Chained and bound

Hidden from scared eyes
And strayed away from cursed wishes
Where love is not found
And all there is, is meaningless kisses
And hatred is stowed, safe and sound

[Lady Pitbull]

Btw... the rules of this poetry. Forum .... I don't mind people posting. Their poems. On this topic ... so feel free to post away if ya want

[Insane Pie]

Btw... the rules of this poetry. Forum .... I don't mind people posting. Their poems. On this topic ... so feel free to post away if ya want

People are also free to make their own threads, that's kind of why there is a whole section dedicated to it.

[Lady Pitbull]

People are also free to make their own threads, that's kind of why there is a whole section dedicated to it.

I know... but I was really afraid. To post this poem and I just assume. All newbies. Kinda are... if I could have had time to search ... I would. Have preferred. To post on someone else's topic... but I was just too lazy... anyway... other newbies might. Get. Encourage. To post here or on their own

[Insane Pie]

I know... but I was really afraid. To post this poem and I just assume. All newbies. Kinda are... if I could have had time to search ... I would. Have preferred. To post on someone else's topic... but I was just too lazy... anyway... other newbies might. Get. Encourage. To post here or on their own

The point of the Poetry section is to post your own work in your own thread so people can help you. If there was one thread just dedicated to posting your poetry, it would be spam filled and most likely not a lot of criticism; just poems. Also, the rest of the section would be a little dead.

[Lady Pitbull]

People are also free to make their own threads, that's kind of why there is a whole section dedicated to it.

Also I kinda want to thank you and all the other adult members for making me feel welcome here... I'm sometimes really shy and y'all are a big help.... its nice to talk to people who are so accepting of others ... it made Me feel a lot more. Comfortable. On AN.... OR Ec ... so yea .... thanks

[MeowMeowKittyKat]

Scared dreams

I'm wrapped in lonesome memories
Lost in forgotten arms
Feelings of plain mystery

Tomorrow when I wake
The dreams may fade away
So I have until morning breaks
To enjoy the torture of my nightmare's ways

So let me dream a little more
For that's where my heart may be found
Locked away
Chained and bound

Hidden from scared eyes
And strayed away from cursed wishes
Where love is not found
And all there is, is meaningless kisses
And hatred is stowed, safe and sound

Much better. So much better.

[Bimp]

I know... but I was really afraid. To post this poem and I just assume. All newbies. Kinda are... if I could have had time to search ... I would. Have preferred. To post on someone else's topic... but I was just too lazy... anyway... other newbies might. Get. Encourage. To post here or on their own

A conversation with you must take weeks.

[Lady Pitbull]

A conversation with you must take weeks.

I'm just kinda ... well I am getting use to people.... so yea it takes. About a week or so. To have a small conversation with people I don't know... that's why I'm glad. People are so accepting. On here

[Thenonemothatlikedemos]

Nice poem

[Lady Pitbull]

Nice poem

Thank

[Steve]

I know... but I was really afraid. To post this poem and I just assume. All newbies. Kinda are... if I could have had time to search ... I would. Have preferred. To post on someone else's topic... but I was just too lazy... anyway... other newbies might. Get. Encourage. To post here or on their own

YEP. I'm certain you don't know what a full stop is for.

In regards to posting your poems on other threads, don't do it. The reason people make their own threads is so existing ones don't get hijacked by other posters and to make sure comments and criticism on any given poem is clear as to which one is being criticised.

[Staton]

A fine graduate of Forrest's Grammar School I see.

[Lady Pitbull]

YEP. I'm certain you don't know what a full stop is for.

In regards to posting your poems on other threads, don't do it. The reason people make their own threads is so existing ones don't get hijacked by other posters and to make sure comments and criticism on any given poem is clear as to which one is being criticised.

OK... sorry

[Lady Pitbull]

i sit amongst the trees
as the beautiful flowers sing with ease
and songs of joy dance with the clouds
as i listen to the steady flow of your heart beat
i lay still and concentrate on your breath
as the wind whispers our names
and we lay amongst the flowers
that sing sweet melodies
of our favorite songs
i feel complete in your arms
as you hold me close to you
and the birds whistle with the excitement
that love is in the air
and it surrounds us
in nothing but purity