40 replies to this topic

[Lady Pitbull]

So im guessing this is a decent poem cause there is not a single threshold of criticism on it ... I'm so happy!!!!!!

[Insane Pie]

So im guessing this is a decent poem cause there is not a single threshold of criticism on it ... I'm so happy!!!!!!

Don't always assume that.

The second to last line sounds forced, otherwise just another "love" poem.

[IamAshley.]

Pretty average :/
What Alex said, otherwise.

[Lady Pitbull]

i know.... and i was being sarcastic mostly... i take it that not many people like mushie love poems on here huh?

well i liked it lol

thanks for the advise

[Crispin]

Is this your poem ? Link.

[Steve]

Is this your poem ? Link.

NOPE it's hers: http://allpoetry.com/SarahNicole who is apparently from the UK, not Louisiana.

OP: Locked until you can either prove you're her (as linked above) or you wrote the poem first. PM me with anything supporting the claim you own this poem, or just confess to being a plagiarist.

Edit: I am a huge moron for not checking the post dates.

[Lady Pitbull]

wraped in words not of my own

that pour out my soul

and take everything i treasure most


im trapped under a heavy tounge

no hope of excape


and the lies choke me

till i feel nothing but cofession

close around my skin

and i yearn to speak the truth

but nothing comes out

as i scream at the top of my lungs

for my tounge is heavly swolen

from all the mistruths

that have burned my tounge



By: Destini Wells
July 8, 2012

[hjohn]

This poem needs working on. Your writing is not correct and you're missing punctuation. A poem is a part of literature so please use the literary rules properly while writing. The imagery is fine but I feel it is over used and makes the poem sound cliche in the reader's head. The first two lines rhyme yet the rest don't, please decide whether you are trying to write a free verse or a poem that has a specific structure. Work on it, I'm sure it will sound better once you try to fix it.

[Lady Pitbull]

Thank you, and yes, it is a free verse. I have difficulties on my gramer i know. It is hard for me to do all of this on just a phone. I do apoligize for all of my mistakes as i have said on many of my post. I hope I can fix at least some of it. Back to the poem, I do understand where you are coming from. I don't understand all of the litature rules, but I promise to do my best in the future.

[ßι@κ3 ß]

beautiful poem and i love your scheme ive never seen it i usually do haikus and tanka

[Lady Pitbull]

beautiful poem and i love your scheme ive never seen it i usually do haikus and tanka

Thanks... and idk what to call the it other than free verse ... I love hiku! My self but its hard for me to stop just there... PS sorry for bad spelling and grammar

[KimmySoUlEaTeR theSquirtle]

its very good ever thought off doing poetry ? you would be lovley at it

[Lady Pitbull]

i kinda thought this was poetry

[KimmySoUlEaTeR theSquirtle]

i verry much liked it *THUMBS UP* gig a good job xD

[KimmySoUlEaTeR theSquirtle]

does it relaly matter that she made a mistake on here grammer everyone makes mistakes even you ... but on the bright side it is an amazing poem

[Insane Pie]

Why yes, yes it does.

Prepare for critique. If you create any piece of writing, your grammar and spelling will be pointed out.

Just the fact that you make a post about spelling and grammar is ironic.

[Lady Pitbull]

sory yall i aint got no gramer sckills

[Crispin]

You should just quite while you're ahead.

[Insane Pie]

sory yall i aint got no gramer sckills

Use what you learn from school and apply it to life.

[Lady Pitbull]

i try