10 replies to this topic

[luv(sic)pie]

These bugs in my skin scare me so,
Yet they try to comfort me,
And kiss away my woe.

"It'll be alright,
And she'll come back,
But we'll hold you tight,
Until then,"

They try and stay,
To keep their promise to me,
But they fade away
And I realize I'm not meant to be.

So, it's back to my friends,
The regular roads are wore out,
So I let them use my hands.
And it's back to this artificial Dreamland

P.S. I just started back to writing, and I can do so much better, so please be hard on me.

[luv(sic)pie]

The Sunshine cradled me,
When I was a child.
But now She's set me free,
My soul runs wild.

I search for a touch,
Needing something real.
But what good is a touch,
If you cannot feel?

[Gangsta Fag]

[Lavinia]

It would be a good idea to tell people that you've posted your work elsewhere, in case someone accuses you of plagiarism.

Too much end rhyme, you're discussing feelings and it's surprisingly lacking depth or emotion.

[Steve]

It would be a good idea to tell people that you've posted your work elsewhere, in case someone accuses you of plagiarism.

Too much end rhyme, you're discussing feelings and it's surprisingly lacking depth or emotion.

This. It's not necessary to tell everyone where else you've posted, but it saves everyone (read: me) from having to find the work on Another Site and confirming that the work is in fact yours.

Also, make sure in future to stick to one thread for your poems. This is so it doesn't clutter up the section with individual poems that could just as easily be placed in one thread.

[Gangsta Fag]

It would be a good idea to tell people that you've posted your work elsewhere, in case someone accuses you of plagiarism.

Too much end rhyme, you're discussing feelings and it's surprisingly lacking depth or emotion.

This. It's not necessary to tell everyone where else you've posted, but it saves everyone (read: me) from having to find the work on Another Site and confirming that the work is in fact yours.

Also, make sure in future to stick to one thread for your poems. This is so it doesn't clutter up the section with individual poems that could just as easily be placed in one thread.

I have nothing else to contribute, by the way, ever.

[luv(sic)pie]

I kick around in this newfound nightmare,
Seeing you in my peripheral, but never capturing you.
And never wanting to...
Never needing to.

And as you stand over my shoulder,
Staring,
Haunting,
Weeping softly,
You ask, "Is this a suicide note?"
But as I turn to answer,
The same crimson puddle forms,
And your sweet screams fill the air,
As I move closer and simply whisper,
"Sydney"
And we spill your blood
Once more,
Just for good measure.

[luv(sic)pie]

uhhh... sorry? lol anyways, I didn't want to portray feeling in "The Bugs In My Skin," because, as I'm sure you all don't know, you don't feel when you're high... and yes that poem was about me being high.

[Steve]

Also, make sure in future to stick to one thread for your poems. This is so it doesn't clutter up the section with individual poems that could just as easily be placed in one thread.

I hate you, OP.

[hjohn]

I think you should take a break and think about what you actually want to write. Your thoughts are scattered in these pieces I've read by you. Also the fact that you use rhyme for some stanzas yet not the others destroy the whole poem! Either rhyme your poem or don't. I think you better not because so far all the rhymes you have used were forced in this poem.

[Lady Pitbull]

well if its a free verse it would be fine... if its sopose to follow some type of ryme scheme then its not fited to this poem... but in the rules of poetry and english there would probaly be something that contridicts everything and makes it possible to fit in proper gramer... or whatever. idk why im being a hypocrit cause i have bad spelling and horriable gramer... XD its sad how my brain works