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90 Second Film!


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#1
TheLiverpoolScene

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Hi Guys,

 

If you have a spare minute and a half, could you please watch the short film i worked on for my college project and give me some constructive feedback! :D Thanks Guys

 

The link is:

 


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#2
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As a filmographer by profession I feel suitably qualified to give my critique :P

 

Whilst I feel as though there should have been an obvious story behind this it didn't really seem to jump out at me, I didn't understand the symbolism behind the balloon really - it could have been a lot clearer, what was it supposed to mean?

 

The shots of her walking through the woods could have been a lot more interesting than they were. In the videos we produce I concentrate a LOT on the details - they really break up scenes like that that might be a little dull or uninteresting - a girl walking through some interesting woods is only good to watch for a few seconds, no longer than that before it becomes boring. I would have got shots from different heights for a start. A shot of her feet walking through the leaves, her hand touching a tree, focused on the bark as she walks past, you need a much wider variety of shots and angles really in my opinion. One or two closer shots of her face as she's walking, convey the emotion through close shots of her face rather than wide shots all the time. I think the constant wide shots it whats letting it down most imo.

Even EVEN better would have been shots from up high, the girl walking through the woods from the point of view of the balloon, although i'm aware that requires a lot more equipment haha.  Personally with the equipment available to me I would have had a couple of subtle crane shots, slowly rising from some out of focus bushes to the girl walking etc. That just makes everything a little bit more dynamic, y'know?

 

 

I won't comment on shaky shots or camera noises, that's really down to discipline and can't be helped once you've finished shooting, it's something you learn from experience :P

 

It wasn't a bad video by any means, i've seen a lot worse, but a think Variety is the key word to improvement here. The beeping at the end is waaaay too loud though. :lol:

 


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#3
TheLiverpoolScene

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Yes that does qualify you! :')

 

Thank you so much for your comments, this is literally the first real project we have attemped in college so everything and anything I can learn from this is absolutly fine by me.

 

In regards to the storyline it was actually quickly changed near the end of the schedule due to bad weather and time constraints, in no way am i using this as an excuse though. The balloon was ment to represent her life and with her dropping it in the end it was ment to show her life slipping away.

 

I completly agree with the variety of the shots, the shooting schedule we had did include a lot more variety but again we couldn't get back to the location as it was literally a bog after the bad weather. In no way an excuse.

 

Funnily enough I had so many problems with the beeping sound, on Final Cut Pro it says the sound was fine and well below the red marker, but after exporting it the sound shot way up everytime and also we had a lot of problems with interlacing. Shed any light?

Your completly right about the experience part and I hope to gain as much as possible so thankyou again for your comments, they shall be taken on board I can promise you that.

As this is my edit, do you have any comments on the colours as this was all done using filters?


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#4
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I actually have no place to critique as I'm not a pro like Leah. :L

 

I agree with Forzare though, with the need for a variety of shots, but having different shots of the same location doesn't necessarily indicate it will make the piece better or stand out more, you need to convey the story more clearly.

 

I gathered that the red balloon was a representation of sorts, she's in a stable state in a coma, but then she slips away with the loss of the balloon. Perhaps the balloon is also a representation of youth and life, which is slowly eluding her, as is seen with the frolicking with the balloon. You could also argue that it's unjust, as she finally discovers the balloon after wandering aimlessly and it is so easily snatched from her by a mere gust of wind, which could be an allegory to which she ended up in the coma to begin with. The scenery and colour does seem slightly awkward though, like it's not completely visually impacting.

 

I do think that the diegetic sound could have been smoother, it's abruptness from the beeping to walking in the forest doesn't appear to be seamless to me. It's the same with the non diegetic sound, perhaps you could have created from a title sequence of the beeping at a mild volume, picture of her in the bed, beeping slowly fades and then fade to music where she's losing the balloon? I felt that it was too abrupt, the song just came out of the air with it's representations and you kind of think, wait, why didn't you just slowly ease into it? If you had slowly faded the music to the scene it would create more of an impact as well as not appear too disjointed. The incessant beeping at the end becomes awkward as I mentioned before, you need to ease into it. Perhaps being with it earlier when she loses grip of the balloon, and then show her prone on the bed?

 

I do think that Forzare hit it on the head with the angles. You can not have too many similar angles of the same thing in one small sequence, especially with something of this content - it bores the audience and it just blends together. It's a relatively slow narrative, you need to use a variety of shots to create a persona of the main character. How about a time lapse, shots of the sky, close ups of her features, a landscape shot? I don't know what the specific name for it, Forzare probably would, but a medium to long shot as she walks by some nature and it gradually blurs and focuses on something close up? That seems idealic here.

 

I do think this could be interesting if you adapted it. However, I do think that the ending is what does let you down. The shot of her twitching before the beeps? Why not focus on that with an mcu, and gradually pan out? Or just focus on her twitching slightly, she stops and so does the beeping. It creates more of an impact, without fully pointing it out obviously to the audience. You seem to be telling too much of the story to the audience, in plain form, if that makes sense. You need to allude to the story you want to tell by giving little hints here and there that create a larger picture for the audience to piece together.


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TheLiverpoolScene

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Thank you for your comments, again all will be taken on board so I really do appreciate it :)


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#6
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Yes that does qualify you! :')

 

Thank you so much for your comments, this is literally the first real project we have attemped in college so everything and anything I can learn from this is absolutly fine by me.

 

In regards to the storyline it was actually quickly changed near the end of the schedule due to bad weather and time constraints, in no way am i using this as an excuse though. The balloon was ment to represent her life and with her dropping it in the end it was ment to show her life slipping away.

 

I completly agree with the variety of the shots, the shooting schedule we had did include a lot more variety but again we couldn't get back to the location as it was literally a bog after the bad weather. In no way an excuse.

 

Funnily enough I had so many problems with the beeping sound, on Final Cut Pro it says the sound was fine and well below the red marker, but after exporting it the sound shot way up everytime and also we had a lot of problems with interlacing. Shed any light?

Your completly right about the experience part and I hope to gain as much as possible so thankyou again for your comments, they shall be taken on board I can promise you that.

As this is my edit, do you have any comments on the colours as this was all done using filters?

 

The storyline does make sense - I thought it'd be something like that, but it could have been made clearer in subtle ways, if that makes sense :lol: for example the beeping fading in just as she starts to let the balloon go. Little slices here and there, for example when she gets the balloon a flash shot of her heart monitor calming etc - something to tie it in and make it seem more connected to the hospital scene. That's what the storyline lacks for a short film - the connection between the contrasting shots. Your establishing scenes work but they need to tie in better is all. :)

 

Haha trust me, been there, done that! Pretty much all our videos are shot outside and the unpredictable weather is one of the worst parts of the job, especially with a multi day shoot when the scenery can completely change and ruin any continuity! It's always helpful in those circumstances to have a second camera person if you can - then you can get the same shot from two different angles - you can even use two different takes in the edit! But that would give you a lot more options in your editing, cutting from one camera person to the other etc. Of course you're definitely limited by the equipment you have available here.

 

With the beeping... did you check the level it was at in the beginning scenes and change it to the same level? That's usually the easiest way to maintain a consistent volume.

the interlacing depends on your equipment, what camera did you use to shoot with?  After a shoot I use MPEG Streamclip to convert my footage into a format that renders easier in Final Cut Pro - when converting the footage there's an option calling 'deinterlace' or 'interlaced scaling', you don't want interlaced scaling so tick/untick as appropriate. There's an option saying 'deinterlace video' - if you export your video and then convert it through MPEG streamclip with 'deinterlace video ticked' that should help? :P

 

The filters are interesting. Did you film with a flat picture profile? That's the best base before adding filters. Most videos aren't filtered, they're graded, is that what you meant? What program did you use for this? `

I quite like the sunsett-ness of the colours, very warm looking and it kind of suits the theme of a nice warm, happy place with the balloon as her lifeline, almost dreamlike. However i'd say it was too greeny yellow? the variety of colours could have been improved, lots of nice purples here and there, show the true depth of the colours of a forest, it almost looks bland and flat with the colouring as it is :P
I liked the idea of the black/white starting and ending shots, it acted as a nice contrast to the colours of the forest. What might have worked better is to have opposing colours, emphasise the darker blues and purples so it still looks natural in the hospital scenes and just tone down the yellowy greeness of the forest and it would be improved slightly. I'm being picky though. :P


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#7
TheLiverpoolScene

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The storyline does make sense - I thought it'd be something like that, but it could have been made clearer in subtle ways, if that makes sense :lol: for example the beeping fading in just as she starts to let the balloon go. Little slices here and there, for example when she gets the balloon a flash shot of her heart monitor calming etc - something to tie it in and make it seem more connected to the hospital scene. That's what the storyline lacks for a short film - the connection between the contrasting shots. Your establishing scenes work but they need to tie in better is all. :)

 

Haha trust me, been there, done that! Pretty much all our videos are shot outside and the unpredictable weather is one of the worst parts of the job, especially with a multi day shoot when the scenery can completely change and ruin any continuity! It's always helpful in those circumstances to have a second camera person if you can - then you can get the same shot from two different angles - you can even use two different takes in the edit! But that would give you a lot more options in your editing, cutting from one camera person to the other etc. Of course you're definitely limited by the equipment you have available here.

 

With the beeping... did you check the level it was at in the beginning scenes and change it to the same level? That's usually the easiest way to maintain a consistent volume.

the interlacing depends on your equipment, what camera did you use to shoot with?  After a shoot I use MPEG Streamclip to convert my footage into a format that renders easier in Final Cut Pro - when converting the footage there's an option calling 'deinterlace' or 'interlaced scaling', you don't want interlaced scaling so tick/untick as appropriate. There's an option saying 'deinterlace video' - if you export your video and then convert it through MPEG streamclip with 'deinterlace video ticked' that should help? :P

 

The filters are interesting. Did you film with a flat picture profile? That's the best base before adding filters. Most videos aren't filtered, they're graded, is that what you meant? What program did you use for this? `

I quite like the sunsett-ness of the colours, very warm looking and it kind of suits the theme of a nice warm, happy place with the balloon as her lifeline, almost dreamlike. However i'd say it was too greeny yellow? the variety of colours could have been improved, lots of nice purples here and there, show the true depth of the colours of a forest, it almost looks bland and flat with the colouring as it is :P
I liked the idea of the black/white starting and ending shots, it acted as a nice contrast to the colours of the forest. What might have worked better is to have opposing colours, emphasise the darker blues and purples so it still looks natural in the hospital scenes and just tone down the yellowy greeness of the forest and it would be improved slightly. I'm being picky though. :P

 

We use a Sony NX5 for shooting and can only take one per group so as you said it does limit our choices. Yeah if there is one thing I have already learned is that the weather is usually the biggest enemy to a film shoot! :')

In regards to the sound and interlacing I shall have to check that out thanks for the advice.

The filters I used where all on final cut pro, when the idea was given to me I instantly thought of a dream like almost fairytale-ish setting so I completly enhanced the yellows and oranges as on the day it was quite dull and the unedited footage was very green and brown. I also wanted a huge contrast between her imaginary state and the hospital scene (incidentily this was literally just a table in the corner of our editing room, thats how rushed we where, works quite well i feel though) so I may have enhanced it a tad too much but the contrast is what I was going for really.

 

The story i think would benefit from more of a tie in with the balloon and her life, so I will definatly give that a try and see how it works out. My tutor actually mentioned something about this too, he suggested more close ups of her with the balloon and introducing the beeping gently in the background.

I am currently in the middle of doing my evaluation so I appreciate any more comments you have on the film and also is it okay if I use what you have suggested in this write up?


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