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Hate Betrayal And Hurt "my First Poem"
#1
Posted 30 April 2013 - 07:35 PM
#2
Posted 02 May 2013 - 07:00 AM
Oh, um...
It's lovely, but there's probably something you should know...if that's okay...?
I think your poem needs to be set off from your normal sentences...I can't really tell where the poem starts...also, you should spell check, grammar check, ect...um, if you don't want to do that, I'd be happy to help by fixing spelling errors or things for you...
so, um, your poem seems very bland, tasteless, and unoriginal...I'm really, really sorry! D:
I would maybe suggest putting some depth into it..?
Like...probably talking about what reality does to you specifically that hurts you so badly....like how your "friends" are betraying you? Or why you hate reality? Just...it's just a small suggestion, you don't have to take it seriously....okay...? Do whatever you want with your poem...
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