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Hate Betrayal And Hurt "my First Poem"

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#1
blackrain

blackrain

    Delicate Snowflake

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hi people... this is one of my first few serious poems its explaining how i felt so hurt and alone an my depression getting bad here it is Love is cruel. especially if you hate a person or people. love to me is hate betrayal and hurt. a cycle over and over again. friends some are theyre there for you. but what do they really think about you inside? Who cares about people like me? my only friends are hate betrayal and hurt.i hate them but theyre all i got.reality f**k it i hate it. cause its all real and cruel its all full of hate. i want a escape from reality its all hate betrayal and hurt. yeah thats me i have loads more i wanna share them too tell me how you like it or not:)
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#2
Becca Bewitched

Becca Bewitched

    Spiraling Tempest

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Oh, um...

It's lovely, but there's probably something you should know...if that's okay...?

I think your poem needs to be set off from your normal sentences...I can't really tell where the poem starts...also, you should spell check, grammar check, ect...um, if you don't want to do that, I'd be happy to help by fixing spelling errors or things for you...

 

so, um, your poem seems very bland, tasteless, and unoriginal...I'm really, really sorry! D:

I would maybe suggest putting some depth into it..?

Like...probably talking about what reality does to you specifically that hurts you so badly....like how your "friends" are betraying you? Or why you hate reality? Just...it's just a small suggestion, you don't have to take it seriously....okay...? Do whatever you want with your poem...


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