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Help Or Advice Extremely Needed. Please Read All Of It ;~;


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#1
IxAmGravity

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So before i begin, id like to thank you for taking time out of your life to read this. This may or may not be the last people hear from me, so. Why not. Before reading this, please take in consideration that we all have different views and mindsets. Take in account that what i think will be different from yours, and try to see things out of my eyes. This is not a plead of attention. This is not a cry for love. I just need to get things off, and see what i can get out of advice or whatever the case may be. Thank you. I live a pretty. Un organized life. Never really had much of a family besides my mom and my sisters. But. Things are alright you know? Well. Not until recently, everything has gone down hill, and im questioning myself if i can deal with it or not. Ill start from where it all began. I met this girl. Just a little above a year ago. She was. Everything i could possibly ask for out of somebody. Nice. Cute smile. A personality thats honest.. She cared. I fell in love. 2 months later. I had the amazing privilege of being her first kiss. It felt like my first kiss. It felt better than my first kiss. Anyways, i fell in love. She fell in love. And describing the feelings would take days to finish. Here we are today. Our 10 month was not so long ago. The month is june. Keep that in mind. So we've had problems. She made out with my friend on my birthday, at my house. Nd even before that, she kissed other dudes. 3 to be exact.. Now. I loved her.. I still love her. She loves me. She knew the mistake she meant. And i forgave. I caved in eventually. Told her i needed to make things even. So i left her and dated this other girl for about a month, possibly less. I didnt love her. Nor have much feelings.. Hell i missed the one i fell in love with a lot.. And the whole purpose of dating her was to make me feel better, and make me love her as much as i did again.. Anyways, we ended up breaking up. My heart belongs to who i originally loved.. I told her that. We got together. Time passed. I caved again. Dated another girl for 3 days and did the same. I almost lost her forever that time.. But it worked.. I know revenge is wrong. I know it is. I told her i was wrong for doing that, but she was also wrong. And we needed to start over. Clean slate. She agreed. We dated.. Love like no other. Well, atleast to me.. Today it is june 20th. Atleast where i live. I celebrated our 10 month on monday.. So. That was 3 days ago. I saw a hickey on her neck. She said it was her friend, and i just was like. Haha alright. And didnt think much.. After i left. I get a message from a guy. "youve been having sex with my girlfriend. Im kicking your ass" WARNING NEXT PART OF THIS IS KIND OF CRUDE SO SKIP AHEAD IF YOUD LIKE I messaged him calling bs. I went on about how i made her feel amazing.. He went on and said "Yeah well she loves the way i finger her" I called bullshit again. I told him to prove the situation. He sends me a screenshot of a conversation. There it said. The one i loved the most saying how much she liked what he did to her.. Her smiley faces and jumbled up words that i thought were something special to me.. I dropped my phone. Punched a hole in my wall. Keep in mind, this is RIGHT after our 10 month celebration day.. Right after she said how much she loved me.. Right after she said forever right in my eyes.. I showed her and told her to explain. She just said "yea". I couldnt believe what i was seeing. What was going on. I bursted into tears. Theyve been dating since the 1st of this month.. Within that time, i poured my heart out to her.. Every last ounce of happiness i threw at her.. Every beg for her to stay.. Every cry for need.. And this is what i get.. I sat in silence, i told her to never speak to me again. Its been 3 days. I have cuts all up and down both arms, and as we speak, im hardly awake from all the loss of blood. I know what youre thinking.. "Oh look another cliche suicide because of a girl" Second think that.. Let me rewind. She was my first, everything. Yes, you know exactly what i mean. And for everyone whos had this, you know the bond thats made with your girlfriend/boyfriend.. Shes all i have, besides a mom and sisters.. Shes what kept me alive for so long. Shes the air i need to breath and no matter how cheesy this sounds, im saying this from the bottom of my heart.. She recently apologized. We recently got back together.. I took her back like nothing.. But. My heart is destroyed. Just knowing another guy has done something with her already.. Without any care in the world.. The mental image of her doing stuff with him eats me alive.. The more i try to stop thinking, the more i think.. It burns a hole in my head. Its driving me insane.. I dont want to leave her. She means the world to me.. She is my world and why im alive. And she says that im the reason shes alive.. Lately. Suicide has been huge in my mind.. No i will not call a number. No i will not seek help from a "Professional". Because ive tried. It never works.. So im asking. What do i do. Leaving her isnt an option. Whats done is done and the memory is killing me. What do i do.. I havent slept in days.. I havent eaten in days..


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#2
Insane Pie

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First, paragraphs help. 

Cut off communication with her. Delete her number, remove her from your Facebook, whatever other forms of social networking, etc. Cut off communication with her friends, 

That's the best way to get over someone, in my opinion. It sucks and takes time, but there are a lot more girls out there and more to come.

 

Hang out with your guy friends or take up a hobby, just work on yourself and worry about you. She fucked you over.


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#3
IxAmGravity

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I really wish it was that easy. She will. And i mean she will. Harm herself. And i cant live knowing that. And i dont want that for her. Whether she fucked me over or not, i said i loved her. And i dont know about her, but i meant it. And i still do mean it. I cant just throw away everything..
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#4
Insane Pie

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It is actually extremely easy, you may not think so now, but you'll see it later. You're not really throwing anything away, it's a life experience and that'll help you down the road.

 

You love the girl and that's cool, but if she harms herself that's not on you. She's responsible for herself, you're not.


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#5
IxAmGravity

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I really appreciate the advice but i just cant do it.. Im not strong, at all. With anything. Never have been. I cant. Thank you for reading all of this tho. Well, atleast i assume you did because yeah she really did fuck me over haha. But. Im just not the person people think i am. Ill play it off for about a week or two. See how things go. See if i forget.. Its funny. Our one year is coming up soon. My first. Her first. And she just threw it away like nothing. Well, she did. Now, i guess she realized what i meant to her. She even told ,e these exact words "I didnt realize what i had until i realized that you were really gone" And. Another thing i should throw on top of this. She might be pregnant. No, im not going to leave if she is. No, im not killing myself if she is. To be honest. I think its awesome.. But. Just saying. Thats another added complication. Things literally cannot get any worse i think. And if it can, than i know for sure im in hell
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#6
Insane Pie

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I feel ya on that one, I just got out of a year long relationship. So, I understand where you're coming from. I didn't think I'd get over this relationship and I'm not completely, but I'm getting there and so can you. You're 15, you're young, you can do whatever you want. Asking for advice is a step in the right direction.

 

Just have to keep your options open and keep an open mind to things. 

Also, if she's pregnant and says it's yours, get a DNA test.


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#7
Okano

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Insane Pie gave really good advice and words.

 

This might be hard to put into practice, but you shouldn't base your purpose or your happiness on another person because no matter what, a person will eventually let you down. People aren't dependable as our sole reason to be happy.


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#8
Rellik San

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Slap her and kick her down the stairs, she'll get the message and it'll solve the pregnancy debacle.

 

 

Ok so that was in poor taste, but Pie is right, demand a DNA test, if she refuses, you know something is up and make a point of you won't be tied to her given she's been unfaithful and this smacks of entrapment.

 

For what it's worth, I know the feeling, for the longest time I grew up with only my mother and sisters around and it was hard. But you learn and you change, no emotion is forever even if it feels like it is. Cutting because of someone else, is a sign of weakness and I do pity you for doing... actually I find you pathetic for doing it, it's not a coping method, it's subconscious emotional blackmail. It's so you can hold your wrists up and tell this girl you've literally bled for her and what more does she want out of you... as I said, consciously or not.

 

But this will be the hardest thing to swallow, what you experienced to me, doesn't sound like love, it sounds like infatuation and obsession, two equally powerful emotions that can feel like love but most certainly aren't and lead us to do crazy things. Love is a feeling when your around someone and when your not, sure the world seems slightly dull in comparison, but you're happy because you have love. Infatuation and obsession leave you craving, crying and even bleeding for someone... sure you bleed for love too, but you bleed for love when you protect the person you love from harm or danger, you bleed for infatuation when you're brain is too stupid (sorry if that sounds insulting, but there really is no other way to describe it) to realise that all you're doing is hurting yourself to get at that person because they don't belong to you.

 

You said yourself you're relatively inexperienced, love and infatuation are hard to distinguish from one another and hard to explain to someone who can't tell the difference between the two, you learn from experience though.


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#9
emo romeo

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pie is 100% right, i was in the same situation as you man. yes it will be hard and yes it will be a long time before you feel like you can handle not having her but deleting her from your life will be the best option. you will find someone better. one who will truly loves and cares for you, one that wont go out and fuck you over. i was in a two year relationship that was exactly this. she cheated on me twice and i found out from the guy who she started going out with six months before we broke up. there are people on this site alone that can help you and we all might not like each other and im not the favorite person of alot of people on this site but we will all come together and help when help is needed. youre young man dont give up remember this quote its helped me through alot "Im living a story, i wont give up" dont let the story end man.


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#10
Rellik San

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there are people on this site alone that can help you and we all might not like each other and im not the favorite person of alot of people on this site but we will all come together and help when help is needed. 

yeah man, what this faggot said.


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#11
emo romeo

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yeah man, what this faggot said.

point proven 


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#12
Silently Screaming

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Here's how I see it. You have two options. You can either give her a second chance and hope that she really will change. And probably get your heart broken. But I suggest sitting down and having a chat with her. Tell her everything you told us. How you poured all of your heart to her. Tell her how you feel betrayed and hurt but through all this you have found it in your heart to forgive her and you haven't cheated on her while in the relationship. Tell her you really love her but she has to change in order for you guys to be together. Or you could do what everyone else says. I suggest ...

 

Slap her and kick her down the stairs, she'll get the message and it'll solve the pregnancy debacle.

 

 

Ok so that was in poor taste, but Pie is right, demand a DNA test, if she refuses, you know something is up and make a point of you won't be tied to her given she's been unfaithful and this smacks of entrapment.

 

For what it's worth, I know the feeling, for the longest time I grew up with only my mother and sisters around and it was hard. But you learn and you change, no emotion is forever even if it feels like it is. Cutting because of someone else, is a sign of weakness and I do pity you for doing... actually I find you pathetic for doing it, it's not a coping method, it's subconscious emotional blackmail. It's so you can hold your wrists up and tell this girl you've literally bled for her and what more does she want out of you... as I said, consciously or not.

 

But this will be the hardest thing to swallow, what you experienced to me, doesn't sound like love, it sounds like infatuation and obsession, two equally powerful emotions that can feel like love but most certainly aren't and lead us to do crazy things. Love is a feeling when your around someone and when your not, sure the world seems slightly dull in comparison, but you're happy because you have love. Infatuation and obsession leave you craving, crying and even bleeding for someone... sure you bleed for love too, but you bleed for love when you protect the person you love from harm or danger, you bleed for infatuation when you're brain is too stupid (sorry if that sounds insulting, but there really is no other way to describe it) to realise that all you're doing is hurting yourself to get at that person because they don't belong to you.

 

You said yourself you're relatively inexperienced, love and infatuation are hard to distinguish from one another and hard to explain to someone who can't tell the difference between the two, you learn from experience though.


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#13
AZgirl480

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Just leave her! Someone who REALLY loved you would not have made out with 5 guys and had a sexual relationship with someone else. I delt with this when I was 15/16. My life revolved around someone and I was close to suicide almost every couple months when we would break up so I know exactly what you felt. But what I can say is that when you actually meet the person for you, none of your firsts will matter anymore. (I know that people say that first loves are forever, but it's not true.)

Why would you want to be with someone who has broken your heart? It's not like she just did it once either. Once would be a mistake. 2+ are intentional and it shows how she never cared about you. You only know of one guy, how do you know she isn't some sex-crazed serial cheater who has been telling the same thing to multiple guys who all think they were her "first", hmmmmm? (Remember: once a cheater, always a cheater)

 

Also, girls say they are pregnant because they know they are about to lose their boyfriend/husband. It's like a last minute thing they shout out when they sense it's over. If she is not showing signs and symptoms of pregnancy, then most likely she's not. If she is, then make her prove its yours by getting a DNA paternity test. As long as you do NOT sign the birth certificate, you will not be forced to pay child support unless you feel you should.

 

Just saying that you think being a dad is "awesome" is further proof that you are not ready to live in the adult world yet. It is not easy raising a person who is dependent on you for everything and starting your own little "family" is not going to fill an empty void. If you have a child at 16, it is only going to destroy you more than you can possibly know. It will also ruin your child's already messed up life. I'm not lying or being a B****. My mom was 15 when she had my brother and then 17 when she had me. She never stayed long to take care of us if it would get in the way of her social teen life.

 

I don't want to sound mean, I just want you to understand. People who really love eachother do not look twice at someone of the opposite sex out of attraction. People do not lie or cheat on the other person either. I do understand what it is like to love someone so dearly that you would kill yourself to prove it. It doesn't go well, especially if the person doesn't feel the same, and it is obvious that she doesn't share your feelings.

 

Dump the girl or suffer in agony for the rest of your life. You will love again.


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