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Am I Crazy?

Mood swings panic attacks problems at school suicide self harm am I crazy

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#1
xxAloneSCxx

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Hello... Urm I posted ages ago about bullying and suicidal thoughts... And well the bullying has stopped finally but the racism is still there... Urm right what I want to have some advice on is well you see lately I have been feeling really odd, I keep having really bad mood swings and sometimes I end up hurting people around me (I nearly put my little brother in hospital) I lash out for no reason and there is this one girl in my classes at school who seems to trigger it... I have noticed it myself when I am in the same room as her I want to kill her... She attacked me with a group of her friends before Christmas and I seem to have a lot more panic attacks... I am getting counselling but it's not working and when I talk to teachers they either make fun of me or just tell me I'm fine... I have attempted suicide again... And I feel like a complete idiot I don't even know why I want to disappear...
I also self harm but when my mum was making fun of another girl I know who does it as well I just blurted it out that I to do it.. She laughed in my face and said in a mean tone 'no you don't and you never will' my own family make fun of me... Is this bad or good?
Urm also am I crazy to think my family hate me.. You see my mum acts weird she will be all lovey dovey but if I say one word she suddenly starts screaming at me... Telling me I am selfish, self-centred, stupid.... Am I though?
Am I crazy? Please help me out!!
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#2
EMOBOMB

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Crazy, stupid, zero, loser, etc. My last three years in elementary school was just crap. Resulted in that I never got any final grade. I never understood that some people loved to fucking with me.

Lucky for me I had to work at my dad's buddy gas station directly after school.

Is there any teacher you can talk to, or are all equally blown?

If your mother yells at you, she knows probably not how she should handle the situation.

Another word for crazy is angry, and that you have the right to be!

Be strong!

Peter.


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#3
Smashing!

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Are you crazy for having panic attacks/mad because you got jumped by a group of girls and when you try to vent how you feel to your elders you get teased or dismissed?

 

No, that just makes you human.

 

Now I don't know how you express your feelings but from my experience with young teens, they don't always choose the best way to vent how they feel. If you slam doors, yell, have fits, or come off as winy it makes it harder for people to take you seriously or even hear you out.

 

The best way to really get someone to hear you is to be calm but serious. As soon as you lose your cool you've already lost.

 

Honestly it's hard to help you since these kind of things are always complex, so that means I need more details to help better.

 

Like how do you and your mother/teachers interact normally? How do you act towards them and how do they act towards you. And how they see you, since what you think you do and what they think you do may be completely different.

 

I've dealt with stuff like this personally and with friends so it's normally always something from both sides that contribute. 

 

Feel free to post it here or Private message me if you want more help.


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#4
xxAloneSCxx

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Thank you both of you for replying to this xx I really appriciate it xx

And Smashing! thank you and I can write it here no problem....

When I try to vent my feelings I will just draw things (thats only if I am having a smaller problem) with my bigger ones I seem to rock alot like I rock backwards and forward, I do this when I am scared,Upset,Angry etc it always helped in a way but I do it alot in class and the kids around me get annoyed about it.... I will sometimes bang tables but lately I seem to just shake (as if I am having a panic attack) It keeps happening when I am angry so I guess my emotions are crazy *Sigh*  also if I am upset or nervous I seem to either talk way to much and act like an idiot or just go into my own world and get called anti-social....

Me and my mum used to get on really well, but now she works till late and takes my brother out for classes after school nearly everyday of the week, when I ask to go somewhere she will moan that she is to tired to take me.... I end up spending my time in my room alone, she moans that I don't go out but I can't go out if nobody lives near me..... we argue alot though about the smallest of things, I will clean up and stuff and then she will acuse me of not helping her...... when I clearly do it's my brother who doesnt help at all, me and him argue to and that then causes my mum to get angry and take my brothers side....

With my teachers I am a perfect student I never get in trouble, I do my work, however I do have one teacher that I hate and I think I come off as lazy in his class... he is a ICT teacher and I am hopless with computer stuff so I always  get fustrated in his class and he actually can't teach very well because when he gets angry he nearly destroys the whole room he kicks, shouts everything..... I dread his classes and also another teachers classes but with the other one I have more panic attacks due to that its unreal... my teacher moans at me and acusses me of not revising tests when I revise and I try my best......... most of my teachers ignore me even being in the room, I would ask for help but they never come, I am invisible.... and when they do come they don't answer my question so I get even more confused.... From what my teachers have told my mum at parent evenings is that I am a hard worker, always has my head down doing what is asked, however I don't ask enough questions, and don't believe in myself enough... 

I don't know its all so confusing 


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#5
PeppermintxKiss

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The thing with your mum being mean to you about self harming? Maybe, it's not that she wants to, but maybe she doesn't want to accept the fact you do, and thinks maybe if she ignores it, it will go away/cease to happen. Obviously, I don't know the full story, but, from my own experiences, this can sometimes be the case. it's hard for loved ones to accept things like this. 

 

You are not crazy, you're just confused, hormonal and in need of someone to help you. Unfortunately, as much as we all want to help, this is the internet and there is only so much we can do. You have counselling, which is a step in the right direction. As for school, as much as it is hell  for you, you're not there forever, and once you're out of there, there's probably a slim chance you will bump into the bully's and such ever again. I can't guarentee that, but people do seem to grow up after high school. 

 

As for the self harming/suicide attempts, you need to stop doing that. I know you see it as a coping mechanism, but it will destroy you, and those people who do care about you. I speak from personal experience when I say that. And, as much as you think you want to die? you really don't. 

 

Mood swings? they're probably a hormonal imbalance, you need to do something recreational, like an outlet (I find this helps stop self harm also) such as a musical outlet, maybe learn to play an instrument, or get a hobby, go running/do sport/exercise. Something that you enjoy doing, do it. It helps release the body's natural happy chemicals, and will help you feel better about yourself, and the people around you. 

 

Now, with your mom, I think you need to sit down and talk with her, about everything that is troubling you both, and spend some quality time together, just as mother and daughter, it's really important in the teenage years, to re-connect the mother, child bond. Maybe she is going through some tough times also, it's all about mutual understanding and acceptance. 

 

I know this might not help you, and might seem silly, but the people who say nasty things? just ignore their comments, don't speak to them, they will soon become frustrated and tired with getting no response and eventually leave you alone.

 

Hope I was able to help some? and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here to listen, just drop me a message any time. 


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