*sigh* I'm a little old to be a downer now I guess and all depressed. Sheesh, I just turned 22 :/ how'd that happen? lol
Well... my brother, sister, and I were very badly abused as kids. Primarily my brother and I, my sister at least had her dad to take her half the time. It feels like she tortured my older brother psychologically then perfected her technique by the time she reached me. I'm not going to get into all the hitting, making sure not to leave bruises, making us fear the world by being the worst person we've ever met and drilling it into our heads that she'd be the nicest person we'd ever meet. There was constant yelling, never missed a day without it, told us we were worthless pieces of shit, that she could kill us if she so pleased because she gave us birth, said we ruined her life by being born, always putting us down making us hate life and ourselves as well as her, training us what to say to family, and lets not forget when we got older "don't forget, it wouldn't be hard for me to kill you in your sleep".
ugh... not knowing your dad, being unloved by him and having a mom there that hates you takes its toll.
But she had 2 more kids now and the older of us 3 were all kicked out at 16.
...I'm working on setting up an appointment with a counselor to direct us to a psychologist so that we can get that psychotic woman on meds. Nobody can simply be that evil coming from a home that pampered her with a perfectly healthy brain. I've hated her for the majority of my life, prayed to God crying and begging him to kill her and send her to hell at 6 years old. I just realized it can't be her fault... it just can't be. Nobody comes from a healthy environment and turns out with an unhealthy behavior unless they have an unhealthy mind.
I am so tired though of my family getting in the way... my brother called cps on her and my dumbass grandfather who knows nothing about what it's like to be raised by her threatened to get a court order, defend her, and get a restraining order on him so that he can't see the kids until he's 18. Are you fucking kidding me? These assholes on my mom's side of the family all KNOW she's messed up in the head, they can't stand being around her. Then they tell us nice words of comfort like "oh if we only knew this was happening, we would have done something, we would have gotten between her and us"
BUT THE SAME THING IS HAPPENING! SHE HAS 2 MORE KIDS AND THEY DO NOTHING! They say the best thing to do, regarding anything to do with my mom is to ignore it. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? They say we're going off about stuff that happened 10-20 years ago? I was there for a month when I was 18 after going to a university and the same shit was happening? What the fuck are you talking about 10-20 years ago? it has been 3 fucking years asshole! And you assume as soon as we don't know what's going on in there it all gets better!?!?!? FUCK YOU! FUCK ALL OF YOU! Now I know you didn't do jack shit for us because you just didn't want to deal with it, too much effort. Oh but you have no problem giving your opinion about how things are going over there because you were raised by her for how many years as well? Oh non? Months? How bout a week? No? A day? hour? minute? second? YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE SITUATION! STOP ACTING LIKE IT!!!
OR AT THE VERY LEAST!!!
DON'T GET IN OUR FUCKING WAY AS WE TRY TO DO WHAT YOU ASSHOLES WHO CALL YOURSELVES FAMILY MEMBERS NEVER DID FOR US!!!!!!!!!
Omg I just want to kill everyone sometimes. 10-20 years ago? That's you repeating the same behavior as you did when it was us, you want to pretend that it magically ended on its own, you want to make yourself BELIEVE this is all history but it's fucking not!
Fuck fuck fuck, I had everything planned, I told my brother and sister not to call cps like a commander telling his soldiers to hold their fire but they go ahead and shoot early anyway and completely miss the target. What is cps going to do? NOTHING! She's a compulsive liar, she is so good at making people believe whatever she wants them to believe, she's the kleptomaniac of lying. Not only will she lie to get out of something and lie oh so very well, she'll lie just to lie about nothing important at all as if she's honing her lying skills. Why does she want to keep the kids? Her image with her daddy, she was daddy's little rich bitch for all of her childhood. I don't know why, it may be something to do with whatever mental disorder that she has, but she obsesses over the image she paints for her dad.
But whatever image she paints is all bullshit, she hated all of her kids, her way of making a baby stop crying is screaming back in their ear and pulling their hair until they shut up. Baby still young enough to have a soft spot on her head crying for 10 minutes? What do you do? Mom knows! Throw her across the room doing a flip in the air unto the couch or bed, hopefully they don't break anything or land on their head and die or fall off and die, but if they do? Who the fuck cares right???? NOT MY FAMILY RIGHT!? MY CARING WISE MORAL HIGH GROUND CHRISTIAN FUCKING SELF RIGHTEOUS MONEY LOVING KNOW IT ALL FAMILY AYE!?!?! Nah, they do... they'll do nothing about it and deny it to their heart's content when brought up but they care oh so very much.
How did this world produce assholes to that degree? If they just straight up said "we don't really care, they'll survive most likely so leave it alone, let the toddlers deal with it on their own" like cold hearted sons of bitches I'd be more satisfied with that than with what they're saying now.
Jesus Christ... I normally never wish ill on people... but I truly wish they all experienced a childhood of being hated by their mom and dad with a family that neglects the abuse that they go through. I want that... they need that, they need to know what that torture is like. I WANT THEM TO SUFFER AS I HAVE!!! Forget reason, I want them to feel smaller than a human cell, lesser than a germ and want nothing more than to die. I want them to taste hopelessness in all of its glory and feel the hatred of their parents for all of their lives. It seems to be the only way THESE FUCKING ASSHOLES CAN UNDERSTAND FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK GOD DAMN FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT FUCK! I HATE THIS SHIT!!!!!
Oh fuck man.... fuck... shit... God damn it...
"The world often allows evil to continue when the world is is not angry enough" ...
...however fucked up my thoughts are at the moments at least I -have- anger toward this evil.
I don't hate my family... I just wish this didn't all go down on my birthday... 2nd or 3rd to worst I've had.