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Everything

Everything

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3 replies to this topic

#1
Luisman

Luisman

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I wish someone could understand and see how much pain I'm in. I've never hurt anyone yet I'm still in pain. Well shit, I feel like shit. I fucked up, I'm not going to lie. My life is better yet it still feels the same. I don't want to live, yet I don't want to die. I can't go around pretending that everything's ok. If I do that then I'd be lying to myself and to those I meet. My brother died and I miss him. I lost him and I feel like it's my fault. The only things that kept me sane. All that is gone.. I'm never going to be the same again. Never. I'm lost. I have so many questions. Yet not enough time. I miss my uncle, and my great grandma. Yet I know that if they were looking down on me they would laugh. Every day I live I lose something. I'm tired of fucking up, of being scared and of anxiety. I hate this feeling. This bone crunching, heart breaking, skin tearing pain. I'm so angry at myself. I fuck up everything I do. Friendships hurt, love hurts, everything hurts. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to say, and what I can I'll say it here.
What motivates you to keep going?
What's so special about life?
You don't know what it's like to be a true loser.
I've literally lost everything. Everyone I know is going away. I keep lying to myself when I think that one day I'll have everything I ever wanted. I don't want anything but to feel normal. My best friend john is gone. My friend is gone and my family probably doesn't care. What do I do before I end up killing myself? I'm a great guy, yet I'm the saddest of them all. If there's anyone who thinks they've had it worse I'll prove you wrong.
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#2
Luisman

Luisman

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My life is going to hell. I lost my childhood hero and mentor. I can't help but feel upset. I'm crying. Everything I have known is gone. I'm lost. What's the purpose of life? No one cares except about themselves. My heart is broken beyond repair and my mind betrays me. My friends are all but gone and the past comes to knock on my door every night. There's no end in sight. I'll never get to live the dream I always wanted. It will be a miracle if I even become successful. I don't want this anymore. I want to be numb so I won't feel anymore but I care about people. No one cares about me. Everything I've done has brought me right fucking here. I've never hurt anyone to deserve this. Why is my life hell? Someone lobotomize me so I won't feel anymore. A coma would feel much better than this. At least then I'd be in a dream. And nothing would happen. I would feel normal for once.
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#3
Luisman

Luisman

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Yesterday I tried to end it. I'm in pain, confused and upset. I failed even at that. I'm not proud, I want to forget my past and live a normal life. I want to live my dream. I can't find any motivation. Wtf is wrong with me?
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#4
Okano

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If you need somewhere to go, you can come to Washington. I'll help you. I've been where you are. I understand.

This will sound odd to you, but you need to give up everything. Be homeless for awhile. I don't know how to describe it to you or anyone, but denying yourself of everything and having nothing teaches truth about life. It worked for me, it can work for you. God and Christ are the central part in this chapter of your life. I'll help you whatever you need.
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